In spite of all the reading and taking action, I still struggle with consistency. I plan to use the forums as a sounding board for what I am doing right and wrong.
My wife notified me that she will be going to a holiday party this weekend. As I've shared, she is a typical wayward in full rebellion, as sandi2 has so eloquently written about. Drinking, staying out late, acting single. In theory I am building a mindset that says "If this is who she is going to be, my life is better without her in it as my wife". In practice, when I find out she is attending a party without much other detail, the old insecurities rise to the surface. Which is funny, because my worst fears have already been realized: she had a PA with someone else and demonstrated the capacity to lie about it for years. So what I am worried about? How could my MR possibly be "less" than it already is? The process for me is about feeling the disappointment of where things stand, accepting that I only have power over how I respond, and then returning to a place of masculine, grounded strength as quickly as possible.
I gather that boundaries don't matter when your W doesn't respect you. So during this phase I have to simply open the cage door and let her out. In the meantime she is enjoying all the financial and logistical benefits of our MR. This doesn't sit well with me: I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, while my wife eats cake. There is no active AP that I am aware of, but I feel confident she's behaving inappropriately when she's drinking and I'm not around. I will focus on GAL and detachment, but the patience part sure is difficult.
