As I regained my self confidence and got clarity on my values, I always told myself that infidelity was a deal breaker and would end the marriage, and made this clear to my W as well.
What has changed? Why is it no longer a dealbreaker?
I am open to what I am learning in the DR book as well as on the forums, that a marriage may be repaired after infidelity with the right approach.
Originally Posted by Maturin
Now that the A has been revealed - the ultimate act of disrespect - how do I maintain credibility and congruence with my communicated boundaries if I pursue any path other than D?
You can't. You just try to make changes for yourself and your children while this plays out.
Originally Posted by Maturin
It seems like she is a cake eater: having me as H for status/financial/parenting support but live like a single person on weekends. I have stated several times that this is not acceptable to me.
So what does she say when you say "this isn't acceptable to me"?
Her retort is that I am controlling, or trying to control her. She has said several times (while drunk) that she wants to stay married but plans to do whatever she wants. I refuse to engage in relationship talk when she's been drinking.
Originally Posted by Maturin
The upside is that I am rebuilding my self confidence and pursuing a deeper understanding of myself and what I want.
Great! What changes are you making?
I have let the cage door open. I no longer ask who she is with, where she is going, how her night was, etc. I don't check up on her or criticize her drinking. I recognize that I bring a lot to the table in relationship and am socializing much more with friends who share my values. I am returning to my "old self" and pursuing hobbies and interests that get me excited. I am thinking about how unpleasant the last 2-3 years has been and have decided I won't accept that same life as a future for myself.
