My wife left me. I need help!

[Card29]

Hi broken,

I'm going through my second divorce. Thankfully found DB the first time 9 years ago as that one was much more traumatic to me, similar to how you're feeling. I lost 30 lbs (I only weighed 160 when it started, so it was a lot), didn't see how my life could continue, etc. Kind's original post to you hits all of the nails on the head. I made new friends, started going to the gym and lifting weights, started new activities. It was still a roller coaster for many months, but eventually I had a eureka moment and knew I was completely over xW. I happily moved on with my life. About a year later, with her affair having fallen apart, she confessed the affair to me (I had already learned about it but never told her I knew) and she asked if I wanted to try again with her. As Kind described, she finally wanted me back when I was truly happily moving on from her, not even acting. And also as Kind says, I didn't want her back at that point.

Now it [censored] I'm going through this again, but I think I just have a poor choice in wives, women that seemingly needed me to be happy. Eventually their anxiety, depression or other internal issues overwhelm them and I'm not enough to mask it anymore. They found a new flame that gave them the addictive escape and happiness. I wish I'd learned that the first time, but maybe I at least learn it the second time. Be thankful you don't have kids with your W. I have a kid with each of my ex's now, so moving away from my city is not an option.

Keep learning this road. Yes you want to save your M, but the best way to do that is to detach and save yourself. Don't get discouraged by hard days/weeks or DB slip-ups. Just keep moving forward. Find new activities, but also don't run from your feelings too much. You do need to feel them in order to process them. Don't cover them up by constantly being busy, and especially not with drugs/alcohol/food/sex. It will just delay your grief process or even make it impossible to really get over it. So while you're doing new things, also find some time each day for self reflection and feeling whatever emotions you have (good or bad). Stick with this, and you will eventually get to the point where you are happily moving on with your life. That will be the best chance for your W to reconsider, and it will also be the version of you that doesn't care much if she does try to come back.