It is indeed a rollercoaster of emotions. It is very difficult for me to focus on anything else. I will be seemingly OK one minute and crying the next. I can't stop my brain from trying to find a logical answer and wanting to "fix" it.
The last 2 nights have been particularly difficult. I have been wanting to reach out to her but resisted the urge. I know it would only make me feel worse and be counterproductive.
I have this strange need inside of me to make her feel and realize how much pain and trauma she has put me through. I really do not think I deserve this. I know the person I loved and cared for would've been devastated to see me like this.
