I'm a newbie help!

[Snowball]

Here's an update. I have an appt with a divorce coach in the next few days. I haven't made any lawyer appts yet but will soon.

The day before Thanksgiving I couldn't bear to watch him get ready for the biggest bar night of the year, so when he happened to leave the house around 3pm and didn't even say a word, I left. I planned on not coming home at all until the following morning but it happened that I came home around 4am. That really shook him. Of all the times he's done that to me before and to watch him tell me, can you respond to my text, I want to make sure you aren't in a ditch. He texted me at 230am with a "good night" and I didn't respond. I said to him that I have a phone that can be called, or if you want an answer to something that you have to actually ask a question. That I wasn't a mind reader. Of course he said oh, no, I'm not calling. ok then. Thankgiving came and I did my own thing and went to familys house. He didn't say a word and left before I did and went to the bar to watch football. How sad. My family loves him. None of them even asked where he was. My birthday was recently too and I left town. He promptly went to the bar and a bowling alley. Which I found out the bowling alley closed at 1am, but his car was there until 2am. What was he doing?? I have no clue.
Last night I watched him, he drove to 2 bars and then another bowling alley. (there are bars in both these bowling alleys) So far this month there have been 16 days he has been out drinking.

He asked a few days ago to have a conversation today. I agreed. He initiated, we sat down, I said nothing. he talked for a bit.

Take aways from his talk, he said, he didn't realize how much he missed having sex until he's not having sex at all. That for him has become a huge problem. " We last had sex 6 weeks ago.

He mentioned about being sad about not being in the mood for Christmas, about not being allowed to decorate when HE wants to. (I've always like to not decorate until after Thanksgiving because my bday is around that time too and I don't want it all taken over my Christmas, its always been important to me) he always uses the words not allowed and he's being controlled and such. I just don't know what to do about any of that since I will do things and he just sits back and watches or agrees with me. So that's on him.

he mentioned yet again about not wanting to be tracked. but on the same note, still wants our kid to know where he is. He said he wants to live and breathe and not want people to watch every move. (he most certainly hasn't earned that right with me, or at least not for me to be able to trust him at all that's for sure)

He's put so many scenarios in his head and none of them work out except us going our separate ways.

he said we are both A LOT to deal with.
he admitted that we both have faults and he has just as many as I do.

He has in he head that that I'm not happy in the area of sex and he's not ever going to get over that.

He asked if I had any comments or anything to add. I said no. I was calm, pleasant and neutral. I didn't cry!

I asked him at the end if he felt heard. he said yes, That was it. I moved on with my day. He said something along the lines of that we probably will need many more conversations.

Not too long afterwards he came and knocked on my door to ask why I asked if he felt heard. I told him that he said that a lot of the times and I wanted to make sure that I was doing that since it was important to him. He thanked me, I said you're welcome. He also said something about that it was confusing to him that I seem fine while he was downstairs crying. I told him I was sorry he felt that way. That was it.

I feel so good about myself. I have those words in my head, I AM THE PRIZE!
I had such a fun time leaving town with my girlfriend. I am also going to see another friend next week. I'm still debating if I even want to tell him that I'm even leaving. I just don't know how to handle that as it seems so rude to me and not with my values. So I just don't know how to handle that. Thanks for listening.


Also I forgot to add that at the end of the conversation he mentioned that he needed my soc # so he could re-add me to his health insurance for work. So odd, he should know it. but whatever, it was just another thing added to things that are on his mind.

he is also leaving out of town for work in a week, for a week. I just so happened to find out(not from him) he hasn't said a word to me about it. I thought for sure he would have mentioned that but he didn't.