10 days ago, my wife told me "I don't know if I can do this anymore", packed some clothes and went to her parent's house.
We have been married for 11 years and are both in our 30's. Our relationship has mostly been amazing. The last year and a half has been challenging with her slowly pulling away.
My initial reaction to her announcement was shock. It completely blindsided me and I started shaking and crying, pleading her to stay and give us another chance (I know, big mistake!).
I am currently staying in our home, by myself (we do not have kids). Mornings and evenings are the hardest. I am not sleeping, barely eating and waking up in our bed by myself every single day is excruciating. I do not have any family in this country, so I am all alone.
During the three following days, we saw each other and had a good long discussion. She told me that she had love for me but was probably no longer "in love" with me. I acknowledged and apologized for all the things she said had been frustrating her more and more.
She is very social, I am an introvert. I admitted I should have made more effort to meet her in the middle. I was very adamant that I was willing to go to therapy, work on myself and our relationship. She said she wished she could believe me but wasn't sure she wanted to give me another chance. She ultimately kept saying she needed "time and space".
Now here's the thing. She has been hanging out more and more with a male friend over the last couple of months. I brought up to her that it made me uncomfortable but she reassured me that there was nothing to worry about. I think she's been having an emotional (hopefully) affair with the guy.
I want to get my wife back. I am devastated. I am mourning the loss of the person I once knew and have shared so many memories with. The past 10 days have undoubtedly been the hardest of my entire life. The emotional and physical stress this has taken on me is indescribable. I am a shell of the person I once was.
I am slowly realizing that I have been co-dependent on her emotionally. I am a very sensitive person and although most people couldn't tell, I have anxiety and confidence issues and she was my rock. I want to say that I have also been hers many many times. Losing my emotional support, my spouse, my partner overnight has been completely debilitating. We had always been extremely close, both physically and mentally, so the abrupt change has been a total shock.
We were also making projects for the future just a week or two prior to her leaving.
While she has expressed not wanting to hurt me and has checked in a me a couple of times, she has been fairly cold and distant. The way she looks at me has changed.
After day 4, I made the decision to go no contact. I told her I was available if she needed me but that I needed to focus on myself. She replied that she understood and was also available if I needed her.
I know the chances may be slim, but I am hoping she has a moment of clarity and realize what she is throwing away. I want to try and do everything in my power to regain her respect, trust and love. I know it starts with doing a 180, focusing on myself and emotionally detaching from her, but it is HARD!
Today, she texted me asking if she could come over to pick up some more stuff.
I am strongly considering going back home to my country for the holidays even though I know it will be hard because we have so many memories there together
Any advice on how to handle myself, the situation and how to maximize my chances of saving my marriage would be appreciated.
Looking forward to interacting with the community for some much needed support!
