Don’t walk. RUN, and run very fast away from this man.
I’m a big supporter of DB and marriage saving techniques where there is reason to save a marriage.
In your case, there’s simply zero reasons to save your marriage. Every day you wait you put your financial future and security further at risk.
Let me lay it out really clearly for you:
1. He is sleeping with other women, without a shadow of a doubt 2. He has forged your signature on loan documents
He has committed a crime. He should be in jail. There’s a very good chance that all the equity in your home has been wasted away at bars and strip clubs. Unbeknownst to you, you may be essentially broke. Anytime now, you can expect the bank may repossess your house.
Do nothing other than screenshot everything you can on his iPad and then make an appointment Monday morning to see a lawyer. The very first thing that the lawyer should do is contact the bank to advise there has been loan fraud, and put a hold on everything.
I’m sorry snowball. But this marriage is 100% finished for now. Try to save it at your own peril.
I suppose I should give more details. This is just what I know. I have zero recollection of a HELOC. I don't remember signing any papers for it, I don't remember any conversation about it. I just found out about it because I have a credit reporting on him that I can sign in and see if he has opened any new accts, balances that sort of thing. I haven't signed in, in quite some time and low and behold there it showed a $25,000 loan that I was unfamiliar with. It started out as $15,000 over 3 years ago.(with an immediate $15k transfer and could withdrawal up to $25k) We did have home improvements and our son got married that summer. I am not exactly sure what the money was used for. Then the loan gradually got up to the $25k. There are some transfers to a stock website. Other than that, it seems money is coming out, being paid back and this is back and forth over the years. Our house was paid off prior to that. This sort of information is public knowledge, I went on the county website to find info on it because its a loan against the house.
I have all the papers from the bank. My signature(a signature that doesn't look like mine at all) is on 3 of the papers. There is even a copy of my id. I have no idea who signed those forms, but it sure as hell wasn't me. They are notarized too. Granted, this was during covid so I have no idea the bs that could have happened. The actual loan is in his name only. It required my signature because we are married and have a home together and that is the law. I believe with what I have I could prove that I shouldn't be responsible for this loan and if we were to end things, I would hope that would hold true.
A bit of back story. He grew up really poor. Money is very important to him, also that his kids want for nothing. He hasn't been the best at budgeting since I have known him.
He also got a new job nearly 4 years ago making quite a bit more money and ever since then has been very protective of his money. I have asked to re-sort how things are paid as we were paying a % each for the bills. Well, if he makes more $ shouldn't he pay more? I've worked part time and I think he's resented me for years since our youngest kid is older now as he thinks I should work more hours and/or make more money. Of course I like and want money but he spends WAY more than I ever do. Any time he does something he has to go all out and imo wastes sooo very much money than I ever would or could. Things he spends money on, I never would in my lifetime even if I earned double what he does. So our values don't line up there at all. Of course, when he showers me with gifts I don't complain. I have just left it alone since he got this new job. If he wants to spend all his money and be stressed and broke, I guess that's on him. but here I am with this loan that I just found out about.
As far as him sleeping with other women, I have zero proof of that. Of course no one can be 100% sure but I have known him for 26 years and I don't believe that is the case. During covid we both worked from home, I have known of his location. He sleeps at home, he hasn't vanished for days of even hours where I don't know where he is. That is the ultimate sin according to him. I just don't have anything else to say about that.
H 48 W 48 S 18(still lives with us) S 29(mine) D 28 S 27(his who live out of state)
