Thanks all and especially R2C. I landed in a similar place when W asked what time Thanksgiving was (at my dad's) on Thursday. I shared the time and said "You are welcome to join us. Everyone likes to see you (they have no clue what is going on and, while W is socially anxious, they balance giving W space with light attempts to engage her and be kind). I said, "I appreciate that you may already have other plans." W looked dumbstruck and didn't respond. I got up and left to shower.
Later yesterday, my daughter had a sports tourney. About a month ago, W talked about grandparents (from both sides) coming to watch. Since our daughter is new to the sport, I suggested we check with her (D13) to ensure she was comfortable with more spectators beyond us. Prior to yesterday's tourney, I asked D13 if she was OK with her grandparents coming. She said she was fine with that. I let my family know. W was upset to see my mother and said "I thought we had a "rule" about not having people come." I calmly stated that from my perspective, it was a suggestion, that I consulted with D13, and she was fine so I invited my parents. W said it was a (INSERT EXPLETIVE) move and that she would've invited her mom if she knew. I didn't further take the bait to defend anything. I felt like I'd said all that I needed to say, at least at that point in time.
I'm trying to walk back through and examine my potential contribution/misstep here. On one hand, I could've given W a heads-up that D13 was OK with family spectators. On the other hand, I continue to operate as if I've been "fired" as a husband as long as a potential divorce is hanging out there. In thinking that way, I don't feel I've done something wrong here. I think W was just mad that she didn't ask D13 if she was OK with family coming and is pinning it on me for not sharing that I had talked with D13. Phew. I'm sure I'll be told that divorce papers will be coming or something along these lines this week or as soon as we're clear of the holidays.
I did have a great time with 3 friends yesterday. One of them co-wrote and acted in a great sketch comedy show. It was hilarious. Afterward, we had a few drinks, listened to a few bands, ate tacos way too late, and called it a night. Much needed after the brief chastising from W earlier in the day.
Again, I appreciate all your input/feedback. I hope if you're following along, you're finding some helpful insight or comfort for yourselves too. Take care, ask for help/guidance, and keep working on yourself!
