Hmmm wrestle with these dilemmas too. I think forge ahead.
My IC has helped me keep an open heart to have grace for W to have an invitation to engage in unity with our family. What I am understanding is that W has stepped out of bounds from family unity and has been living more of a self-centered life. But she can (and has), on occasion, stepped back in to experience and participate in unity with what our family is about.
For me, this has been letting go of setting up and orchestrating family togetherness while being open to her wanting back in and having a gracious welcome and hospitality for her to experience what our family is about.
Not sure if or how that helps,
This is a response predicated on your need to allow cake eating.
