Hi mate. Don’t take my bluntness the wrong way, but sometimes people need it laid out nice and clearly to grow.
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My wife started becoming angrier and angrier (she has a huge voice), started leaning across the table and shaking her finger at my daughter in a physically aggressive manner. I was afraid she was going to make a public scene and possibly throw something. So I physically leaned across the table between them and said we needed to de-escalate and have this discussion later.
You were a weak man. I sense you are afraid of your wife and trying to keep the peace.
The solution here is very easy - get up, take your daughter, and leave. No talking, no arguing, no negotiation, no de-escalation. Just leave. Actions speak louder than words. All you did by trying to de-escalate is teach your wife that you’ll allow her to treat you and your daughter poorly.
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give ourselves the freedom to date other people if we want.
Big mistake. What you did here is give her a green light to continue being a cheat and a liar. 100% guarantee she’s now telling her friends and family and colleagues that you’re divorcing because YOU wanted to try dating other people.
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It was at this moment when I decided I was no longer interested in saving my marriage, no matter what.
So it wasn’t until after you agreed to separate that you decided you didn’t want to save it?
Are you 100% sure this is what you want? What if she changed her mind tomorrow and begged for you back, would you continue the divorce yourself?
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But I want peace for myself too. My stress is off-the-charts. If I could just move out, I would do it, but it would cost at least $1K/month for my own apartment.
Why should you leave? She’s the one who has cheated, TWICE. If you want some peace, be a strong man and get what you want. Tell her she has to leave.
On the surface based on your narrative, I see a man who is coming to grips with divorce and looking to an amicable split. But what I see under the surface is a weak man who’s playing second fiddle to a very controlling and dishonest bully.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. And I’m sorry you have a woman who isn’t worthy of your time and commitment and integrity.
