Second roller coaster ride (part 3)

[Card29]

What a week. I had a last minute work trip to one of my favorite places in the world, Miami. Was able to take an extra day off and spend 1.5 days on the beach and eating delicious Cuban food. Then traveled all of the way to Chicago (plane then a 5 hr drive) to catch my favorite band in the world (My Morning Jacket). They played 3 nights and didnt repeat a song. Best live band on the planet right now.

I did go against some advice I’ve seen here and spent time with some in-laws while in Chicago, where W is from. SIL, BILs and a cousin. Hardly any talk about W, just enjoying each other’s company.

I’m back home and am so tired. Voice is shot from the concerts. But I’m feeling ok with the DB sitch. I’m still on the roller coaster. In October I thought I had fast-tracked to the smooth part, but I’ve had a couple of rough weeks lately. It’s different emotions each time. I know I’m just mourning all of the many losses that a separation/D brings. W still hasnt filed, but still referred to it as a D on a phone call on Tuesday.

Speaking of that, we had maybe our longest talk since she left on Tuesday while I was in Miami. 45 minutes or so. At first talked about S1 for a while, but it naturally changed to us. Nothing too deep, but it was interesting. She isnt talking to her dad or siblings. And from that call I gathered it’s because she’s afraid of hearing hurtful things from her dad. He does have a temper, but she’s also extremely sensitive to what he says. I get it because my dad also had a temper and I would walk on eggshells whenever I thought I may have pissed him off. But I also think her dad is much calmer about the situation now than he was 2 months ago. I’m not interjecting myself into it, btw, just my observation.

W straight up asked me if I was talking to him about us. She knew I had right around the time she left, but I guess she thought I still was. I’ve had a FaceTime here or there (every 3 weeks or so) so he could see S1 (he calls me). That’s because he cant see S1 otherwise. I told W no, I haven’t been talking to them about her because I have nothing else to say about it. I don’t know what’s going on with her. I asked if she wanted to start having more talks with me so we’re more transparent and she said yes. We’ll see. I’m not sure I want to do it yet because I’m going to want to ask her the “so what’s really going on?” questions and I still don’t think she’s in a place to give me an honest answer. Life is going to be hectic the next 3 weeks, and probably through new year. So maybe things will be different by January. But I’m not going to count on any timeline with W. I dont think she’s operating with much of a plan.

I dont know if I mentioned it on here, but she asked about her taking S1 to Denmark for all of Thanksgiving week (2 weeks from now). The premise was it would be the last week he could fly for free. It was a ridiculous ask since I’m going to have him on thanksgiving day and I’ll see close to 100 family members, many of which have only met S1 once or maybe not at all. I of course said no. It just goes to show how out of touch she is right now.

I hope everyone is doing well and staying on the DB path.