1. You build some resolve 2. He gets his act together a bit 3. You let your walls down and emotionally engage 4. He responds positively initially, and it makes you feel good 5. Eventually, he goes back to raging and unpredictability 6. You’re left confused and hurt
This is a very common and repeated pattern in your posts.
They say the definition of craziness is to keep doing the same thing but expecting a different result.
Perhaps you need to stop going for the short term dopamine hits (hugs, deep and meaningfuls and apologies) and start playing the long term game. In the way that he is addicted to alcohol, you seem to also keep going back for those short term connections, but you always end up with a hangover the next day.
You need to build an impenetrable shield around your heart and mind until he can act consistently and reliably and sober for 6-12 months. That’s at least 3 years away.
Would you keep sticking a knife into a powerpoint if you kept getting shocked?
