Thanks DnJ yes the kids had an absolute blast. And these are 3 of my closest friends who have my back through all of this. They are the only friends who I have told everything to because I know whatever I do and whatever I choose they will back me up. Funnily enough two of them are divorced and both say their XH have severe regret but it was too late by the time they woke up from their madness. Both are always telling me the same thing about hope and love. I find I turn to them a lot more these days as all I get from my immediate family is complete anger and disappointment at H.
I get what you’re saying DnJ. The emotions and anger in H is all over the place. He can’t control it and when it spills over he runs to his place, saying he can’t be around the house or any of us. Well in that case at least he did be a favour by taking himself away and me out of his firing line.
I’m finding I am handling it ok now. In the past it would have torn me apart blaming myself for his outburst. Fleeting moments of sadness where my mind immediately thinks bad stories that H is now running go EA women to seek the comfort I gave him, but that’s just my crazy mind working imagining things, I actually got really good at shutting it off now. In the past I would dwell, now I thought about it, got sad,felt it, realised i was sad over nothing but my mind clutter playing games and creating fantasies then stopped myself and did something else. Happy with my progress there at least.

As for his move I completely agree he’s buried his head so deep in that sand. He doesn’t want to go,and then in his anger he does. His pain will follow. It may even escalate when he no longer has his little family unit in his daily life. He used to be the absolute world’s best dad. With normal H if I was to ever describe to him about another husband and give the scenario of the actions being exactly as H has been this last year, he would have some pretty horrible words to say about them and would say what a terrible father and even moreso the way he’s treating his wife. He used get so angry at the two XH of m friends from our weekend and the way they treated their wives and kids as they ran from their marriages. Now he is exactly the same, if not worse for his move . It’s just so sad the inner workings of these crisises.
The “running” box hit H has a big fat tick that’s for sure. I know he knows his kids will forever hold this against him no matter how many Disney trips he promised. His family aren’t too happy either.
If only he could open his eyes see he is running away.if only we could make these MLC spouses see what we see so clearly. See all the boxes they tick and how messed up they have allowed themselves to become by refusing help.He has moments where the old H shows glimpses with apologies and tears then retreats back into his MLCbody. It really is a marathon. A marathon with a bag of wound up cats 😂

Anyway I just keep going. Still running a few times a week now,keeping kids happy and loved and their buckets full , taking each day as it comes. The weekend really was amazing. It’s H loss really, he loses on the games and fun and laughter and creating these moments with his kids. To me, these are the moments we live for. His home his family is still here right where he left them atBD 11 months ago while he cycles.its so incredibly sad.
Yesterday’s outburst did upset me a bit hence why I needed to vent but I was already quite tired and emotional from the weekend so it hurt more than it should.

M:41 H:48
T:20. M:16.5
BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023