Not new, just starting over, again

[DnJ]

Good Morning clarity

My goodness H, STBXH, is certainly out in the weeds. Again. Still.

I'm glad you popped in for an update. You've had quite the journey, spanning many years. And, of course, your path continues. You have survived. You have thrived.

I wanted to salvage my marriage and I had hoped that after 38 years that I was worth fighting for. I feel as though he jumped through hoops for the other woman, but I got the crumbs. I feel that I am second best, and that I will never be enough to fight for.

(((Hugs)))

Now, please listen.

You are worth fighting for!

You are not second best. You are the prize!

H is a lost soul who cannot see, nor find his way. Do not equate your worth to his behaviors/attention, or lack thereof. Ever!

You fight for you! You live for you!

I wanted my happily ever after, and it makes me incredibly sad that he is so complacent, living with his mother, and doing absolutely nothing with his life.

I understand and empathize.

I so wanted my happily ever after as well. Interestingly, I have it. Sure, I'm divorce. Yet, I live my values and convictions. Stand for me, for who I am. Happily ever after turns out to be about ourselves, how one lives, not one's relationship status.

H sounds really stuck. He did peek out of the tunnel for a while, then darted back in, and ended up moving in with his Mom. Unfortunately, and like others said before, his Mom will feed his ego and narrative, and she is not in any rush to have him move out.

You hit the nail on the head. Complacent. H is complacent living with his Mom. He likely has a non-critical, disingenuous satisfaction with his life. Like a house of cards. Perhaps unrecognized or unwitting, yet still complacent.

That is much different than content. Contentment has a wholeness of self about it. A sincerity. Self awareness and growth. A solid foundation. One lives more their steadfast beliefs than their fleeting feelings. Of course, one has to know and realize their convictions before they can live them.

Complacency breeds apathy and stagnation. H is not looking inward. Not working. Is still blameful. And rather an angry fellow, calling you a foolish woman. Sheesh, what a troubled soul.

You did the work. Invested years into yourself. Allow the stirred emotions of divorce to extinguish. Walk your path and your convictions. Wholeness and healed, peace and contentment, you will have.

DnJ

(By the way, I've locked your other threads to help with organizing follow up posts and responses.)