Not new, just starting over, again

[clarity]

In about two weeks I will be divorced. I filed the paperwork, not him.
Up until about a month ago, I told him that I would be willing to call off the divorce if he would go to counselling with me. I told him that he could even choose the person. But he told me that he likes who he is, and that I am the one with the problem and that I am a foolish woman. So here we are.
I have spent years and years working on myself, our marriage and trying to salvage the mess.
The problem was that he was never 100% invested. For many years he continued to lie, and refused to do the work. He had a three year long affair, and abandoned our family, and I still took him back, because I believed the words and hoped that we could have a fresh start. We had several "fresh-starts" and each time he continued with the half truths and broken promises.
We have been separated for almost 8 years, he lives with his mommy. And that is a whole other story in itself. She is thrilled to have her son at home to do her bidding and keep her company. In many ways I feel like I have been replaced again by another woman.
So why am I bothering to come here and to write all of this stuff?
It's because I never wanted a divorce, I wanted to salvage my marriage and I had hoped that after 38 years that I was worth fighting for. I feel as though he jumped through hoops for the other woman, but I got the crumbs. I feel that I am second best, and that I will never be enough to fight for.
I wanted my happily ever after, and it makes me incredibly sad that he is so complacent, living with his mother, and doing absolutely nothing with his life.