I’m glad you had a good holiday weekend. Yes, with H/Dad not accompanying you guys it does sting a bit. Still, weekends like that are necessary positive investments into self and family. I’m sure the kids enjoyed the getaway and spending time with their peers.
Originally Posted by Pattnee5
he started to change and his demeanor then got really angry. He started to shut himself off and said he needs to be away from us and needs to be alone for the rest of the day. He said it’s been “ too much emotionally” lately and I just keep going and don’t let up.
For the person in crisis, they must/will walk their path at their pace.
What an interesting tidbit from H - “[you] just keep going and don’t let up”. Remember, this is how he feels/felt. Not necessarily the “truth”, rather his at the moment truth.
Originally Posted by Pattnee5
I remember it differently and he was the one who wanted to open up and talk and listen but all of a sudden it’s all my fault again
Yes, H is currently emotional stable as a bag of wound up cats. His emotions are all over the place.
I’m sure H did seek you out and wanted to open up. That’s how he felt at that moment. He’ll want to talk, then be alone, then get a hug, then blame you. Jeckyl and Hyde indeed.
Pay his outburst no mind, it’s all part of his journey, and rather common. MLCers do tend to vent/lash out. It’s part of working through their emotions. Just ensure you are not pushing/encouraging too much, to minimize pressure from you and to lessen the target/justifications H places upon you.
Originally Posted by Pattnee5
His failure at not even lasting a week on the drinking, his reality of moving, his inability to manage his emotions. He really isn’t a well man emotionally. Feels like he has no emotions too he wants to open up then begins but then shuts off. Has apologized with tears for certain things then back to robot mode.
His journey is emotionally driven. He will ping pong about, flitting from one state to another. Playing video games, drinking, sitting alone and brooding, all attempts to quell/silence that ever growing inner pressure/voice.
It’s interesting, H emoting like he has no feelings. Then some of his emotional pressure spills over the dam. He has tears, guilt, regret, even some remorse, then it’s all too much again, and back to robot mode. Emotionless. Can’t get hurt as a robot. Another temporary measure, another band-aid.
Originally Posted by Pattnee5
Anyways it seems he is telling the kids soon as [work] want him there in January. He has been putting it off since September telling them I don’t know why ( blaming the visa not coming through).
H has a lot going on in his life, plus all that dredged up past pushing at him. H has somewhat buried his head in the sand and is in denial regarding his knee-jerk decision to move to the other side of the world.
He is now in months three of delaying telling the kids. He is not telling them because he doesn’t want to move. And he does. Ask your self: Is H running to something or from something?
I don’t see H running to America as much as he is running from himself. Thing is, no matter where he goes, there he is. And how does Dad explain, reason, moving away with such shaky underpinnings. Kids are really excellent at seeing through and calling out BS. Little wonder H isn’t quick to start that conversation.
Stay strong and look after you and the kids. You so got this!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
