There are times when this DB/relationship/custody crap goes right out the window.
Letting go....truly forgiving....operating from your core values...always doing the right thing...getting your beliefs/thoughts/actions/body language/facial expressions/tone/inflections/words all in alignment all takes work and time.
Keep reflecting on who you want to be and how you want to behave.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I agree with Mach and R2C. Not letting her know feels like you trying to punish her for her losing attraction to you. From what you have been posting, that does not sound like the person you want to be moving forward.
I have reflected on my actions and decided that I don’t want to withhold any such info from W. I would want to know. At the time, I was managing and doing what I thought was the right thing at the time while focusing on my health. Thank you all for your input.
Ticker seems to be pretty good. Following up with some more tests from doc.
I accept your feedback and appreciate your input Boat. I have not been consciously trying to get as back for anything and not trying to control her at all.
Will bring this scenario and these ideas up in therapy.
I think that I was maxed out at the time and erroneously thought since it wasn’t a 911 kind of crisis, I would not interrupt or worry W or put myself through the added stress of contacting her.
I actually told my sister that morning. If anything gets serious please notify W. With reflection and from W telling me she was hurt, I see that this event crossed a threshold where Mom needs to know and that I should get that done.
See and my perspective is completely different: the relationship between parent and child is their own. When my son asked me not to tell his dad what was going on with him medically, it was difficult for me to honor that; there was a lot of agonizing over it, but honor his wishes I did. He was over 21, and his relationship with his dad was his to figure out. I will say, the knowledge that my exh's "helping" always made things exponentially worse for my son did make it easier to honor his request for confidentiality.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
DnJ et al, I am revisiting finances after L meeting.
I have made it clear to L that I want to keep the house to best support S’s needs. L will draft up recommendations for me with a number of scenarios/ hypothetical outcomes. Goal to avoid court and open to mediation. Discussed some creative approaches to elicit cooperation from W in keeping the house til I can hope to buy her out.
L said that it’s not realistic or fair to expect W to pay 1/2 mortgage and utilities over here because with her limited income she needs to be able to look after her basic needs. L emphasized that I would be entitled to child support. Given my new understanding, it seems fair to me at this point now that I am working. W has been contributing the same amount as I am which essentially covers child support in that she shouldn’t be expected to pay mortgage and utilities here.
So I am drafting an email to propose an updated arrangement. My return to work is going well and I am increasing my hours. I will propose that I formally take over mortgage and utility payments and W provide child support to me.
I supported D this week with her follow up dr appt. She asked me to be present and appreciated my support. As I was dropping her off at home after, we talked about the ER day. D told me that she didn’t want to talk to her mom that day and didn’t want to discuss and explain the hospital visit.
She didn’t specifically ask me not to tell W but didn’t say she wanted me to.
That day when we were in the ER, I had asked D if she had spoken with her mom. She told me no and I left it alone.
