I finally have two mins to myself, but I’m actually travelling to your city today for work exams. As of this weekend I’ll be study free 🥳
I’m glad you’ve got a bit of peace from your laying on the bed discussion.
Sometimes, those things feel good at the time because you are validated and feel a bit closer to them temporarily, but inevitably they lead to more pain down the track. I had a few of those moments with my XW, and they felt kinda nice at the time (despite me knowing full well we weren’t going to reconcile) - but down the track, the just sort of pi**ed me off and I regretted them.
I’m not telling you what to do - but just a reality check that sometimes things that feel nice in the moment become big regrets later on.
In terms of you finding there’s an OW - I’m sorry. It’s just the biggest punch in the guts. It can make you sad initially, and then angry - you must feel like he blamed you for everything and you were trying to fix those things, only to find that they were a cover up for his own guilt.
I don’t think the veterans ever get any enjoyment from seeing they were right about the likelihood of an affair person 😞
He’s shown his true colours now, and never forget that. He looked for comfort outside of your marriage - and then hid it, and made you feel like it was all your fault. A tiger never changes their stripes.
Quote
No, it’s not just a female thing. Betrayal hurts! Horribly!
DNJ is right. Being cheated on hurts terribly. In fact, (my uneducated opinion only) I think it hurts men more acutely but then women more chronically. Men tend to hit rock bottom when they find out, and are much higher risk of self harm etc. But then men tend to get over it more fully and get on with living their happy life. Women tend to cope better in the moment, but it affects them for much longer and some women will never be able to trust a man again.
None of this stuff is in the brochure when you get married. Plainly and simply, separation and divorce and infidelity are the hardest thing you’ll ever go through in your life. If you can survive and flourish despite that, you’re an incredibly strong human being and your life is only going to get better from here.
