So rest of the weekend went … hm I was going to say as expected but I had no expectations really. I was a bit emotional at times. Seemed to be in the morning after a terrible sleep. Two things did happen with H though. Although I keep thinking “believe nothing of what they say”
Firstly i had this terrible desire to blast him and scream for the way he’s basically blamed me and had another woman or women. But instead i sat in the sun and calmed down. I did then go to H and very calmly said some things mainly to get it off my chest and how he has made me feel the last 11 months and how hurt I am. I then gave him back his letter. The letter is this amazing heartfelt letter he gave me in 2021 basically professing his love and our amazing life etc. it was so special to me and even early on in the bd I referred to it etc, he knew how much I loved that letter I cried when I got it. Anyway after telling him how hurt I have been and how I have fought for 11 months for this man that now I am letting him go as he is not the man in the letter. He took the letter back and just basically sat and listened a lot. That vacant stone face which I expected anyway and he said he needs to process.

Anyway later in the day he wanted to take S for ice cream and pulled me outside for a talk.for the first time in a very long time I saw H cry real tears and struggled immensely not to melt down as he apologised for everything and even said how badly he’s treated me so many times in our marriage. It was like a different version of h was present now
He started to tell me about the other women but I told him I don’t want to know details. He said it was all emotional affair and nothing physical but it had crossed his mind a lot. Told me it was not going to be relationship but he was after validation and needing someone else to want him.Do I believe him? Who knows really because right now he is still in turmoil despite this small glimmer of the old H. I have done nothing but praise and compliment him and it just bounced off. I know from the “source of your problems”( your wife) it means nothing . The crazy midlife alien. He admitted it started before Bd again with this emotional friend.i am just disconnecting from that because it’s irrelevant. She is a symptom
He also had called his parents and admitting everything to them which is huge really given how he always wants to uphold a certain image. He said the are not happy at all.

Anyway the apology was nice I remember when many years ago my affair came out it was like a huge relief and I decided to work my ass off and save my marriage and completely cut everything and did a lot of growing up. I am different though and h is in no way like me but I do know how liberating it can be. I had mentioned that to H earlier in the day anyway and he had just listened. Maybe he felt it too maybe not. Again I am not taking any of this as anything right now but welcomed the apology. He is still going away ( I think he desperately needs to ) I just hope he has some family support now

I am sitting in the tattoo chair as we speak getting the words “stronger than” on my wrist with a small heartbeat line
Because I am stronger than I know and stronger than yesterday and it’s my reminder every time I need it

Last edited by Pattnee5; 10/30/23 02:04 AM.
M:41 H:48
T:20. M:16.5
BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023