My Story (2)

[Sunflyer]

Break the ice with son. I know it’s a difficult subject to broach. Ensure you open the door, and son knows that the door is always open.

When son asks Mom’s whereabouts during super, add to your statement of not knowing. Just stating the obvious facts usually gets kids talking to get to what they really want to ask. Something like: I don’t know where Mom is. She certainly has missed a lot of meals lately.

Also just come out and ask son: You’ve noticed Mom has missed a lot of meals and family time, do you have any questions?

The likelihood of son just immediately opening up is pretty low. The first go around is breaking the ice. Don’t fret, son will talk, just be sincere.

Yes, I am going to do this and let him know he can come to me.

Do not demonize Mom/W. Son is half her. He knows half of his genetic make up is from her. If you attack Mom, you attack him.

Son will be concerned about repeating Mom’s behaviour. Like above, half of his code is from her. Of course, that means half is from you. Ensure son knows and realizes that his fate is not hardwired, rather it’s fostered by nurturing. After all, the grass is greenest where one waters it.

Lead by example. You are son’s living example. He will look to you on how to act and react in this and many of life’s events.

I would not go down this road. W has been promoting herself as the "GOAT" to him possibly to portray me as inferior by contrast. That is not something I would do either.

The troubles between you and W have nothing to do with son. This is a topic that will be on son’s mind. Ensure you demonstrate most clearly that son is not the cause.

Of course. I know this is very important.

My XW completely destroyed her previous life and relationships with her kids. A loving Mom. A gal who operated a daycare from our house. Kaboom! She went right off the rails.

Lots of collateral damage. Lots of conversations with the kids. Lots of lashing out from the kids. And some of that lashing out I did well deserved. (See below)

Do not force son to see his Mom. I did push my son to go see Mom/W on the first Christmas. And he did not want to go. When he got back, wow! was he mad. And boy did I get blasted when he got home. Lesson learned.

It’s not your job to facilitate their relationship. It’s your job to not destroy it.

I've read your story several times. Horrific. As bad as my situation feels, yours seems almost beyond comprehension.

I certainly don't want to destroy any relationships with my sons, whether involving myself or W.