During replay a MLCer exhibits confusion. They also become rather scattered brained, with a memory like that of a gnat. They will miss/forget appointments, birthdays, celebrations, paying bills, etc.
A crisis is emotionally driven and folks become the opposite of who they once were. The crisis person will emotionally go back to the time of their trauma(s) and emotional stunting, as they need to grow up from then. It is an incredible strange thing to witness, this kind of time travel. Long ago events and details are like present day to them. Just imagine how confusing it would be to “feel” and “be” a teenager and yet be married with wife, kids, mortgage, job, and so on.
For the fortunate MLCer who traverses replay and heads into depression, withdrawal, and a hopeful awakening, they face yet another challenge, the return to reality. The pod person or alien, the opposite they are/were, starts to fade and they start to resurface. As much as the MLCer didn’t feel or connect with “their” present day life, the returning person doesn’t connect with the MLCer. Each of these “personalities” has a unique lexicon. There is some overlap, yet mostly there is just fragments of what happened with no clear recollection.
In time, the individual recalls more details. However, puzzling together their crisis adventure is like a movie to them. They were kind of there, yet not in control. It’s a very shocking and scary time for them. As much as when they first descended into the abyss. It takes a few years for them to feel comfortable in their own skin again.
An LBS needs to be patient and nonjudgemental. Questions do get answered eventual, as bits and pieces are remembered by one’s returning spouse. Most answers will come from them, uninitiated and unprompted. Especially the answers that really matter.
With good respectful boundaries, compassion, empathy, and a whole lot of digging for patience, a better relationship can be forged. Safe and secure, accountable and loved. The exiting of the crisis is a daunting task for them. And it’s still, at their pace.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
