It’s staggering just how many have affairs. It’s not 100%, though really close to it. Affairs are a symptom, a band-aid. Treat them as such. Affairs are built upon lies and deceit, and it takes incredible energies to maintain a relationship with such a poor and unstable foundation.
H is a lost and troubled soul.
Originally Posted by Pattnee5
I feel like an absolute fool like I said. My kindness now stops. I was just trying to be his lighthouse but feel used.
Betrayal is the worst sin. Being betrayed hurts so very much. And we then questions ourselves. How did I not see this? How did I believe this? I feel so foolish. And so on.
Give yourself a bit of time to regain your center and balance. (((Hug)))
Kindness doesn’t need to stop. You being kind and compassionate is who you are. You now just pull back on some things is all with regards to dealing with H.
Instead of trying to be his lighthouse, be the lighthouse. Just be. For you. Do or do not, there is no try.
You shine your light and love because of who you are, not because of who H is/was. And you didn’t/don’t shine just to try to woo him back. A lighthouse doesn’t runabout looking for ships to save. You live and shine on. (By the way, you’ll likely shine even brighter now.)
Having confirmation doesn’t change the situation a whole lot. Though that knowledge will likely allow you to let go pretty firmly. You still enact boundaries on disrespectful behaviours. Believe nothing they say, and only half of what they do. Give plenty of time and space. H is on his path and on his time; and you, thankfully, weren’t invite.
The growth you’ve accomplished, the efforts you’ve made, all fantastic. And there is nothing foolish about that! Let these upset fleeting flit. Hold your head high.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
