Not Lost Anymore!Being the best version of ME!

[Sunflyer]

So sorry Pattnee. I am going through it too, and it plain s***s.

You’re right not to beat yourself up over it. Regardless of what he feels, there is more than one way to deal with those feelings and he chose this one. It is 100% on him.

Our spouses are broken in the sense that they feel they need another person to fuel their self-worth, which indicates how low their self esteem is. If they were truly okay with who they are, they wouldn’t need to latch onto others at this time.

In my case it was very easy to figure out what was going on. Started leaving her phone face down on the table, so I couldn’t see notifications on the screen. Leaving to “get coffee” or something and being gone for 45 minutes to an hour at a time. Checking the phone bill and finding dozens of calls ranging from 20-85 minutes from a number I didn’t recognize (and which I traced). Turning off the tracking on her phone so I couldn’t see where she was, which she’d never done. Leaving the house for hours at a time with no explanation and sometimes coming home late at night. Saying she had two appointments with her therapist in one week, which has never happened before. And on and on. Bold-faced lies told right to my face, from someone who said her marriage vows were so important to her, and I’d regret it if I ever cheated on her.

Your feelings will likely be on the emotional roller coaster at times. Mine certainly were. But I’m holding it together for my sons and myself. You will too.

As for your past, you have done what’s right and walked the walk since then. Don’t let those thoughts defeat you. He chose to play this card; any consequences he bears he brings on himself.