I agree with Kind. Often in these forums, there is an AP involved somewhere, whether a physical affair or an emotional one. Unless a therapist works with you around the logic for exposing it and scripting out how to demand it stops, my observation from these boards is that it would be better to let it exhaust itself (if you can stand that - I wouldn't be able to do so either. But, I've seen family and friends get through a physical affair and come out better for it). Also, and I believe MWD discusses this in the books as do other marriage experts, it is recommended that you not go snooping because in general, it seems to make matters worse in several ways. I expect you have to ask yourself (logically and rationally) how will knowing serve ME? Do I need to know about an affair to do what I'm trying to do if I'm following the DB playbook and focusing on myself? I wish you and the courage and strength to handle it well.
yea I agree with you here MP. I dont think it serves me any good to go snooping. It doesnt change anything at this point. Whether she is or is not. I honestly feel like that would be the death sentence for me though if she was. I might be able to get over an emotional one. But I feel like if it was physical then that would be a hard no for me. Just wouldnt be able to process and deal with that. Especially now she has asked for this D. Who knows. Life is crazy though. I am not trying to beat myself up at this point looking and probing. Just focusing on me, the house, my D and my life heading forward and what that looks like! I need to dive into the DB book. I have them now, just need to carve out some time to dive in. Not been an easy journey thats for sure here. But one I have to travel nevertheless. Time will tell how this plays out. in the meantime I have to do my thing and cant stress about what I cant control. Just need to take it one day at a time and keep my head and emotions in check and dont respond with emotions, just logic.
