Look, I’m no DB veteran, but I’ve been around here for quite a while now.
The number of times there has been an affair person (AP) involved - hundreds.
The number of times there has been a AP involved when the OP came along and said “I genuinely don’t think I there’s someone else” - hundreds.
The number of times there hasn’t been a AP - maybe 1 or 2. Total. That’s in four years I’ve been here.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But despite you thinking you know your wife better than anyone else, it’s almost a dead certainty there’s someone else. Chances they haven’t been intimate - pretty slim.
The sleeping on a girlfriend’s couch because she’s stressed - makes it a total certainty IMHO.
Women are monkey branchers. They’re pretty unlikely to cut the cord until they think have a better option.
You may be correct here mate. I may be blinded to the fact because of the feelings still involved. Just kind of how I feel though that I dont think there is a OP. But could be. Cant really get wrapped up in that though and letting that stand in my way of moving forward. If there is then yea that [censored]. But doesnt change the fact that I have to move forward and better myself.
Also she didnt sleep on her friends couch. Her friend has a BF who doesnt live with her. So she likes someone to stay in the bed with her when he is gone. Oddly enough and ironic is that me and the W always joked that if we ever were to have a 3 way with any of her co-workers then it would be her one friend that she stayed the night with. W got up this morning and was talking but she said that her friend text her last night at 11 and asked if she was staying the night because her BF wasnt coming down last night. W said no.
Lots going on with the house under contract now. have a lifetime of stuff to pack up, donate and sell. Plenty to keep me busy now. Not sure what her plans are as far as moving out. She said initially she would once we were under contract. Who knows and who cares at this point.
Yesterday I was busy working around the house doing laundry and getting stuff done. She came home and then was on the phone and then left while still on the phone. She had one of her new outfits on yesterday and the temptation was real!!! but I was strong and getting stronger every day and keeping up the AS IF part. I worked more on things around the house. She came home later (looks like she met one of her friends and their kid at the park from the FB picture she posted). When she came home I was finishing up laundry and she asked how my day was. Told her it was a great day! She said that was good. I asked her how hers went and she said it was rough. I can tell this is all catching up to her. She has been rough for awhile now and work is kicking her butt. She just looked exhausted. I asked her how her ear was and she said it was fine. I probably shouldnt have asked that. But the vibe I got and my focus, I just kept moving along. went upstairs and never came back down. Got up this morning for working out and having breakfast. She comes up stairs. Looking rough and beat down. I asked if she slept good (knowing she didnt cause she doesnt want to sleep on the couch in the basement). She said it was rough. Work stuff last night was kicking her butt and then her girl friend asking her if she was coming over. She said she just crashed eventually. She asked why I was passive aggressive yesterday when she got home and I was finishing laundry. Told her I'm sorry she felt that I was and understand how she can see that since I was moving around quickly and not divulging in too much conversation and I was not being that way but more focused on getting things done. She didnt like the fact that I didnt hang out and puppy dog around her yesterday as far as I can tell. She said it was fine and not a big deal. But you can read her and she is fronting on that. I've been good on fronting myself and acting as if my life is going on. Have to keep that up. That pull back helps. She is strong and it may help her as well pull back and think that Im not in it no more and she needs to do the same. May help her emotionally since I think she is struggling with that right now and going through those emotions.
Mentally and emotionally it has been getting better. I know the road ahead and I will take my time to grief and heal. But I know what I have to offer and bring to the table. And I know this wasnt on me fully. I own my part though. She is going through some sort of MLC I feel. She wants to be free and run and hang with her friends (oddly enough it never bothered me when we were M that she wanted to go but she never did much). She has alot going on with her medical conditions and personal life. She has book club tonight at the one girl friends house (fully expect her to stay over there tonight as well). She hasnt even read the book and doesnt know much about it and the theme and stuff. Not like her since she has won the book club award the last 2 months. haha. I just see her collapsing. I feel bad and want to help but Im not. I am backing away and letting her fall. Im not being her support system as I was when we were together. I am not going to allow her to keep playing with my emotions and my head (this has been a big struggle for me and still is!). Even my 25D said yesterday that she doesnt know who my W is anymore. That she loves her but the way she has acted since this has gone down is not the same person she has known for the last few years. She doesnt get it. But she is upset with how the W is acting but just wants us to sell the house so we can all move along and figure things out. I have been very supportive of my daughter since this has all gone down. Head was clouded there for the 1st few weeks but now its more focused on whats in front of me and getting the things packed and figuring out my next chapter, whether that is with the W or not at this point.......
