I agree with Kind. Often in these forums, there is an AP involved somewhere, whether a physical affair or an emotional one. Unless a therapist works with you around the logic for exposing it and scripting out how to demand it stops, my observation from these boards is that it would be better to let it exhaust itself (if you can stand that - I wouldn't be able to do so either. But, I've seen family and friends get through a physical affair and come out better for it). Also, and I believe MWD discusses this in the books as do other marriage experts, it is recommended that you not go snooping because in general, it seems to make matters worse in several ways. I expect you have to ask yourself (logically and rationally) how will knowing serve ME? Do I need to know about an affair to do what I'm trying to do if I'm following the DB playbook and focusing on myself? I wish you and the courage and strength to handle it well.
