Garden variety manipulation. Very straight forward. Women know what makes men tick, and they will happily use it to their advantage.
definitely something Im learning here with dealing with this. She gets what she wants from me because she plays off the emotions but then turns around and says she isnt changing her mind.
Originally Posted by Kind18
It’s very unlikely that 5 years down the road she says “This was a big mistake.” Never pin your hopes on that. You need to work out how to be okay with that never happening.
People who break marriages will have a narrative. They will most likely double down and strengthen it, not take responsibility for their actions.
yea Im not banking on her saying it was a mistake. She is pretty stubborn. Talking with the IC last night. He said she may realize it was or is but being strong willed may keep her from taking any action on it. So have to plan on her not being around anymore. And that was HER decision. Have to keep reminding myself of that in a sense because I feel like it helps me with pulling back. Wish her nothing but the best at this point. I've laid it all out there on talking, feelings and emotions. She still has them. She just doesnt want to do anything to change them or her decision. Never over till the papers are signed. Not holding my breath on anything changing now, then or even in the future. Just need to shift gears and focus on becoming a better me.
Originally Posted by Kind18
She has said she might struggle because she’s checking her backup plan. She is fishing for you to say “I’ll always be there for you if life gets hard.”
yea not sure on her thought process here. Financially she will be okay. She can pay rent and utilities and stuff. She has a good support system for her (which Im glad she does). She is walking away with a nice chunk of money (about 80k cash). So I dont feel bad for her in that sense. She will be fine. She will realize that when she gets on her own. She was independent when I met her and she will be fine doing that again. Shift focus to me and where I want to be instead of hoping (falsely) that she may change her mind or come back. lol
Originally Posted by Kind18
Best response “You sound worried about the future. I know I’m going to be great no matter what 😎”
trying to not push buttons too much. She can still change her mind on alimony up until we sign our papers in January. Once that happens then its done. She actually mentioned something about it yesterday, that she should get more alimony to help herself but she said she wont because she doesnt want to drag this out. Im not holding my breath at this point. I will fight her on it if it comes down to it and drag this out if need be if she gets that way. So far we are not and being civil. but that is only so far. house is under contract now and closing at the end of November and moving out, she is moving out earlier though she said (and borrowing money from our tax (she is a self employed realtor) accounts to pay for things until we close). She said she will make it up later after closing. She will be gone in a few weeks max and dont see her staying around the house much until then. She just has to find a place. I do as well. Still deciding on how taxes will go here as well. Lawyer said it may be better to file jointly. Have to run numbers on it to see. Just want her out at this point so I can move along easier.
Originally Posted by Kind18
Try a different IC. It’s very common to need to try a few before you find one that clicks. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but then you should start to see some significant progress pretty quickly.
I wonder about this. I have seen 3 that I went through. Found once I like. Well oddly enough he is on his 2nd marriage and even on that he is on a separation from his current wife. Dunno what to think of that. Not really a good track record haha. But I do like the dialect and how the conversations flow. Well got dropped on me last night that he is now taking a new job in Japan in 3 weeks. So having to find a new IC. He is suggesting a female at his office that is pretty good according to him. I may need to find another one depending on how this goes. Just hate starting over on another IC when you build with one.
