Thanks Kind yep this resonates alot with me right now. I 100% know he needs to go. As hard as that day will be I know I’ll be ok, and that is my new beginning. If he doesn’t he will resent me and hold it against me and blame me. He can’t fix himself or his life here he has made that blatantly obvious the last 10 months since BD where he has done nothing to help himself or his life other than move out, and start consuming more alcohol. He still looks every bit as miserable most days as he did 10 months ago, 18 months ago even. The drinking is getting worse. He is in the absolute depths of of the U shaped happiness curve and I reckon his may not be U shaped at all( but moreso a flatline now)

I do know this is what he needs. To live with the reality of his choices and not blame me for it. If he’s happier on his own from here forward well maybe I dodged a bullet as I can’t grow old and have a fulfilled like with an alcoholic gaming recluse. I am far too social
Reconciliation is a long way off if it even happens. He needs to make some serious changes too and really be invested and right now I can’t see him having any sort of motivation or strength. I have always been “glass half full” he is always “half empty”.

As for me, I keep pushing and trying to DB most days and 180 where I can. You are right, i am feeling a bit limited to really thriving as he is still around. I am excited and look forward to how I will grow and change once he leaves to sort his stuff out. I still feel I am not living to my fullest yet. But every single change and growth I have made has been for me. I don’t even give H a second thought. I love my new lingerie, organising outings without having to run it past anyone anything I do right now is for me and only me. I don’t even care if H knows or notices to be honest.
Running is going well( really well actually) lots of things coming up in the next few months I seem to have something on every weekend. Feel like my running is almost becoming addictive again, trying to get fitter and fitter and maybe knock over a half marathon again( or who knows maybe even try a full one )
I have also been roped in to playing a bit of ice hockey too haha. I have grown up extremely sporty playing alot of high levels but since having kids let a lot of the team sport go. My brother and some of his friends ( plus D14 who plays with him) have roped me in to scrimmage with them and even a friend from work is going to join ( her H also plays in the same scrimmage)
It certainly is going to make me laugh that’s for sure .
Life is generally good, I’m happy, I smile, I laugh alot, I enjoy every day. I still worry about H and his well-being, but I do know I can’t fix this or fix him. He may or may not ever fix himself.
All I know is day by day life gets good agai

M:41 H:48
T:20. M:16.5
BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023