I am dreading the absolute emotional mess I will be when he gets on that plane for “ good” . It’s almost the door closing for good in my mind and I still held hope he would get himself together first Oh well one day at a time I guess
Again, reframe this.
The chances that he wakes up before he goes OS is 0%. If you try and make him stay, you’re cementing that everything in his life is your fault.
Let him go with a smile and wave, and then when he gets there and discovers he’s still unhappy, he might have an epiphany.
Saying goodbye to him is the absolute best step forward towards reconciliation. Don’t see it as an ending, see it as a beginning.
Plus, it will allow you to start healing with him right out of the picture. You’re doing great with DBing, but once he’s OS you’ll really have a chance to thrive, work out who you are, and make changes just for you - rather than for him.
Him going to a new job OS may also be the catalyst for some change with his alcoholism.
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Oh he knows I am more than happy to have a good time without him, both socially and with bedroom toys. I’ve even bought new lingerie and he’s noticed
Good! That’s how you DB. Keep buying more lingerie, but not to make him jealous - to make you happy. New fragrance. New kicks. New hair!
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If he despises me so so much I don’t know why he still wants to always be around me.
Best not try to analyse that. If he wants to be around you so much, don’t give it to him. Keep going out when he hangs around. Be vague, mysterious, missing. Remember 180’s - what feels wrong, is often right.
