I know you think you did good, with the discussion about communication and then her falling asleep in the bed, but what you’ve done has affirmed to her that continue to look after her despite her treating you poorly.
Actions always speak louder than words. She’s still saying she’s leaving. Until she is sleeping in the bed every night and wants to reconcile, assume she is still proceeding with divorce.
I see a strong connection between your emotional happiness and having spent some time with her. Last few days you were spiralling, then you have had one good interaction with her, and now you feel much better.
This is the dopamine hit/drug user analogy that DNJ spoke about. I’d really caution against allowing if and how you interact with her to change your emotions, because it will keep reinforcing the “I’m happy when I have her.”
You really need to become emotionally impervious to her. You should feel the same whether she sleeps in the bed next to you for a few hours vs if you do something that makes her rage in anger at you. Completely disconnect your happiness from time or interactions with her.
Yea I totally agree that I probably shouldnt have rubbed her neck. Still pulls at my heart strings being around her. And yup she is still full on steam with the D. It was like this morning she woke up and realized she was vulnerable last night and snapped out of it and went back into the mode of getting this done and over with. There was a moment though where we connected last night. No cake eating but the affection was still there. She knows it. She is trying to not let it get to her. But its getting to me when I'm around her. like DnJ said its that drug and feels good but in the end its not solving anything and just makes things worse. She needs to fully miss me but that wont happen I dont think until we are living apart and she realizes things.
I agree with you as well on the connection between my happiness and being with her. Have a hard time disconnecting when it feels like things are going good in conversation and she lets herself be vulnerable. But in the end she is still full steam ahead and pushing things to get done. I have to figure out how to break that cycle and what that looks like. I struggle with that. How do you disconnect????
