Not even sure where to start

[dleague]

hey Thor!! great advice here for sure. Like the mindset.

I think by now you realize that everything you did over the weekend pushed W further away.

yea I think she was surprised that I went out and did some GAL. I usually havent in years especially without her. It was bothering her to not know! haha

Next time you are tempted, remember exactly how you're feeling right now. And promise yourself you won't repeat your mistakes.

Work in progress every day here on this. But making strides at times.

Every single person I've seen get their WAS back on these boards did one thing - they let the WAS go (me included).

Yup agreed. I see how keeping her on her toes about things and pulling back helps. Its hard sticking to it at time but when I do I see the results!

One thing that helped me was to think of what an alpha male would do in this situation. For instance, if James Bond's W decided to leave him, would he start chasing her? Absolutely not. He'd smile and dare her to find someone better. I'm not saying to act like a cocky A-hole. But you should quietly be giving off a vibe that you're excited about life without her. I'd start acting like I was excited about selling the house.

You've seen that it piques her interest when you're mysterious, right? So be mysterious FOREVER until she very clearly decides she hopes YOU will give her another chance. And anytime she tries to bait you in her robe, or hints at wanting you back in order for you to tell her what she wants to know - don't take the bait! Smile with a twinkle in your eye and walk away. She'll even get mad at you, that's totally OK because a woman has to respect you if she's ever going to love you. Let her be mad. Let her threaten. Let her go date OM (hint - she's less likely to date OM if you are acting like an alpha male). Ask yourself, what would James Bond do?

Yup agreed. The Alpha male is something I am working on in focusing on myself again. I used to have that mindset somewhat but has slipped with more focus being on her in the recent years. I need to realize that I AM the catch here. I am def not trying to come off cocky but realizing my worth and what I have to offer has helped me. And realizing that life will go on and this is her choice to make and hers to break. I do like the Bond comparison though! haha Trying to find myself again and bringing back up confidence and self esteem. Lots of reasons why it got that way. but doesnt matter. Just need to bring it back for myself! One thing that has peaked her interest here is that she knows I may not be staying local with this new job being remote. That was always our plan anyways after S graduation next year. been some discussion on this and think she knows I am gone with or without her at this point in another year or 2 max (helping my 25 y.o. daughter get on her feet with her work and then she is moving away after). Gives me time to get my priorities straight and where I want to go and be and focusing on new job and myself.

IF your wife decides she wants to come back, she will make it VERY CLEAR. She will literally pursue you, and sometimes even beg for another chance with you.

yea I think if she decides she wants this again we will NOT be going down the same road like before I dont and refuse to do it. I will be setting boundaries. Still doing GAL. Still focusing on my own self improvement.

Face your fear, DL. I know it's the hardest thing you will ever do, I remember it well when I was going through it. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. This experience literally catapulted me into growing more than I ever thought possible. It will for you too, IF you tackle your emotions and remain non-reactive.

Agree with you here Thor!! def one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. but day by day and pulling back seems to help the most. All while building myself back up and picking up the pieces SHE broke. Focusing on myself and IC has helped. Have to get back to being myself again and if that brings her back then so be it. But I wont wait around for ever if at all!