No cake eating. Friends with benefits, doesn’t benefit.
Detachment is the single best thing you can do for yourself. I know how difficult that is. I really do. There is such a pain, such a pull, to our spouse. To the old normal.
Withdrawal hurts! Horribly!
The loss, especially the ripping away, of romantic love hurts like crazy. A real hurt. Our psyche manifests its pain physically within our chest. Heartbreak. My goodness, my heart and chest hurt, ceaselessly, for such a long time.
Withdrawal of one’s spouse and that relationship is a pain similar to heroin withdrawal (from what I’ve read). And so is the pull back. The pull to reconnect and get another hit. Your brain is hurting/screaming for the dopamine that once flowed so freely due to that relationship.
You are not weaponless in this fight. And make no mistake, this is a fight! With your own mind, your emotions. Your armament and defence is your logic and reason. Your intellect.
You control you. Thoughts, actions, and reactions. And no where does this come into play more then now. Control your thoughts with reason and logic. Read here. Read books. Speak with an IC. Take logical and reasoned actions based upon those rational thoughts and advice. Limit emotional reactionary outbursts and nonproductive actions.
Schedule times to feel. You have to feel this withdrawal. Make time, else it will overwhelm at sudden and inopportune times.
Do physical activity. You control your intellect and you physical actions. Go for a run. Dig a hole. Punch a punching bag. Sweat out your emotions, anger, and frustrations.
You control you.
Focus on you. No cake eating. Give W time and space. Go dim/dark.
Look, W is toying with you. Be it purposefully or not, matters not. It is not good for you.
She speaks of having feelings for you, but she can’t get over what you previously said and did. Look dl, she’s a hot mess. Let go.
She needs to feel the loss of you. I realize, so far, she just cuts out things and people for her life instead of dealing with it. It would be very understandable for you to be fearful of similar treatment as her Dad received. There is nothing you can do about that. You cannot control her, nor how she chooses to deal with, run away from, her emotions.
The more you keep going down this path, the more you push her to the door. Let go. Give her lots of time and space for her feelings to subside and maybe other feelings to stir within her. That is going to take longer than you want it to. Sorry man. It just is.
Focus on you. GAL. Live your life.
The path is so counterintuitive. Like I said when you first got here, the best fastest way to a possible reconciliation is in the opposite direction.
Get up. Dust off. And get back on track.
Stay strong. Logic and reason.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
