I agree with everything you are saying there. And understand what I NEED to do. Never in my life would I expect to be doing something this hard. Have always been good at solving things and fixing things and building things. Guess I have alot of emotional trauma from the years that's never been fixed or healed. I don't really have much with family anymore. 25D is the only one I talk to on the regular. And the one person who I built a life for and around just pulled the rug out and it's got my head and heart all confused and the back and forth on everything just seems like mountains at times. Def need to stick with counseling though. It's hard to not push or talk R talk because I see how she feels and the emotions she is going through. And part of me wants to be there for her because I have always been. I know and she knows after our talks today that no more cake or anything in that direction because there is emotions tied to them. I feel like this will be easier once we are living in our own and can heal in our own ways. I feel and hear you on the disrespect and I know my own demons that I have to fight on that. Lots of self improvement needed. It's hard because if I didn't care I wouldn't have any feelings towards her and have no problem just cutting out conversation and anyone that plays games, I do it enough with everyone else in my life that comes across that way with me or my family. But when feelings with her become involved its crazy how much it changes things and seems like it's a mountain I'm struggling to climb.
I will def go back and read Rockon comments.
I finally got the DB and DR books. Need to dive in.
I feel like I just look for answers and any crack or door opening I can get through. Kind of last resort and hail Mary so to speak but don't think that is going to work here and that's the hard part. Just trying to go through it losing my W, the life we built, the best friends we were to each other, my home and everything we went through life getting and doing for it. The memories that lie in the house and lives still. I know it's probably aggravating giving me advice because I know what I need to do even if it's not what I want to do.
Thank you Kind and the rest of BB group for everything. Truly appreciate it and has helped me tremendously in more ways that I would have ever thought.
