Another convo with the W. Just lite convo about our R and whatnot. She was going along. But asked her about our convo. She said she feels like she can't have conversation with me because it hurts her due to her still having feelings and she has to break that hurt from herself. That's why she can't carry conversation much and def not on the R. Told her I understand and don't want to hurt her and if she felt like talking about our R hurt her then we can avoid that all together and keep our conversation to house selling and relevant stuff. She was getting tears in her eyes. She has pain. She has an emotional connection still. She is trying to push that down and away. Hence the reason for her moving out sooner as well and pushing the D I feel like. Because she doesn't want to go back on her decision. Just crazy that she has these feelings still and I feel like there is a love there. She just is hurt and doesn't know how to deal with it I feel like. She said therapy has been great and she is down to every 2 weeks now. But if she feels these emotions and the hurt from pulling away then why are we doing this???? Why can't we talk this out and figure things out. Why can't we realize this was. Big communication breakdown and we have feelings and can make this work. Why does she feel like she has to cut it out? Why does she have a hard time letting go of things in the past? She said that she knows I was always here for her and I told her my actions were louder than my words. I was always by her side and trying to help with anything I could. She said she doesn't let me help her now because of that. I made her life too comfortable and she became too dependent on me and she needed to stop that and that's why she won't let me help with anything now. She has pain. I feel that. I just don't know if there is anything I can do to help that. I have pain. And seeing her on pain causes me pain because of the feelings I have for her. I'm not sure where our lives are headed. I want the best for her and for her to be happy. We both have told each other those but it's hard and emotions are real between us. She feels this is the best decision for her because of the head space she is in. So I feel like I'm not sure what else I can do besides letting her walk and me trying to pick up the pieces on me end and figure out how to move forward no matter how hard it is. The pain will subside and I will heal. But it's a long journey for me and I feel like her.....
