So I'm a dumb A$$. Last night sent a text to her boss/really good friends husband. Just asking him if we are brothers if he would tell me if there was OM. About 5 minutes after I sent it I realized it was wrong and followed it back up with a sorry and ignore and why it was wrong to ask. He never did respond. Well W came up just a bit ago. She said it's said that I think she is doing this for OM. And asking about that. She is right. I told her I realized it after I sent it and that's why I apologized for it. And never wanted to cause any more tension. So we just talked for a bit. Mostly me rambling on about head space and feelings and stuff. Her chiming in some. We talked about the cake and how she is teasing lately and I can't do that and won't do that because it doesn't help with everything and she agreed and said that's why she says no touching right now because she can't break the emotions away from the cake. She said she thinks the therapy is helping me. And said I will find someone one day. And have a lot to offer. But it won't be her because she can't let things go from her past. That she just wants the house sold and papers signed so we can get on with our lives. I told her I hope therapy helps her and gives her some insight. She said it has and I said hopefully it helps with learning forgiveness. She said she can forgive but we only be able to be together because she won't able to get over the things in the past and she will be just reliving them. And it would bring up old emotions that isn't good for her head space. I understand where she is coming from. Seriously think she needs to find her way and what that looks like is up to her. She doesn't have a problem cutting people out of her life. I told her I own up to what I said in the past to hurt her and can't ever change that. But learn and become a better person from the mistakes I made and it also takes 2 and she never told me that she was harboring all of this inside or we could have helped with dealing with it and addressing it when it did happen. So I dunno at this point. Head and heart are all over the place. I see the D coming down the line and feel like there is nothing I can do to stop or slow it down. Shouldn't even be my focus right now either. But hard to not think about being in the same house and having those emotions. Just all of it has me all over the place in every aspect. Wish we could at least have some sort of friendship or closeness to be able to talk. But she is past that I feel in a sense. And just wants to move on. She seems to have detached more than I have and I know it's because she has had more time to come to this decision . She has to figure her life out and what that looks like. I have to do the same. Day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.
