I hear ya SF. Last time was very good cake! Lol I agree with needing to get this under control. Need to figure out how to deal with it when it happens. Struggle with regulating emotions even more so when she is around. Makes the detaching hard.
Not sure how to handle everything. Different friends I have talked with along with IC all have their own options on what to make of this whole thing. I struggle myself as well. Always wondering if there will be a future us. Try to go on as if there won't be and been doing more GAL. But one the flip side I'm being an idiot in actions as well with the cake and letting her get to me along with still trying to not pursue. I think sometimes she can see through it but other times I think she can't. But trying to hold it together in front of her. Im torn on how to handle conversations. Part of me wants to go on as if I'm living my life and sort of fake it till I make it. Then part of me wants to be on the flip side and talk more with her without seeming needy and showing her small changes this far. I don't say anything about changes to her but just let her see if she can see. Part of me wonders if it even helps. But have to realiZe I make the changes for myself to become a better man and if they help in any sort of R with W then good. But can't be the focus. Just going back and forth on it all is the struggle and the approach with her. I know this was her decision and I remind myself of that. But just how fast everything is moving it feels like literally a wrecking ball coming through. Years to build up a life and tear it down in less than a month and a matter of weeks. Just don't understand. But I try to stay focused. Some days are good and some days it hurts more than I could have ever imagined! One day at a time though. One day at a time.
