I have felt much better about myself recently. Not worried about W at all. Then, when OM was confirmed, the emotional rollercoaster took a steep plunge. The first one in a few months. It's been one of the roughest weeks of my life. I feel like the proverbial leaf in a hurricane.
Yes, there are a few of these moments along the path. Times of hidden emotions and upheaval. Well, hidden isn’t quite accurate I suppose, we all have an inclination of how we would feel regarding such news. It’s just all the other emotions that rise as well. Grief, loss, betrayal, and so on. Very deep and very rich or broad.
These moments are staggering. It’s like a gut punch, and one does a step back to regain their balance. Our emotions welling up and touching upon so many facets of our life.
For me there were a few other times. The signing of the separation agreement; seeing my and XW’s signatures and the judge’s on the legalized finalized divorce degree; and of course bomb drop (which was by far the worst). We have no reference or historical experience with any of these moments, and as such it’s staggering.
Oddly, counterintuitively, this is a precious moment of your life. For within that hurricane is opportunity. Opportunity to be better, not bitter. To become.
There are other opportunities, these moments, in our lives as well. The birth of a child for example. Another gut punch. A wonderful one for sure, yet still staggering. All the emotions, full and rich, sweeping across, redefining your entire existence. We stand and become.
Within the present maelstrom is a golden opportunity. A moment. A test. And there can be no testament without test.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
