“ With a beginners mind and 180s and escaping cheeseless tunnels, be a detective and observe. Is this behavior, approach having positive desired effect?”
“So I think you copied and pasted this right out of the book.”
Boat, actually these are points I have been working on. I have been actively evaluating what I am doing in my life and making necessary changes. Yes I have a long road ahead.
“ I will try to simplify me question. You originally ignored her texts. She got mad and you told her you would communicate to her only by email. She threw a fit and you caved in and had a call. So right away that communicates to her you are not a man of your word and have weak to no boundaries. Does that bring you closer to your goal of reconciliation? If yes then I assume you are happy with the exchange. If no, then I assume that makes your STBXW happy because she does not want to reconcile right now and likely ever until something changes.”
I didn’t respond to her texts and didn’t answer her calls because there was no indication that she needed to talk about something urgently concerning our kids and it was not a good time for me to talk. I have been honoring myself and my needs while also respecting her request for space and her choices to not have me as her husband.
I did email her but I didn’t tell her I would only email. Email was unproductive for what she wanted to discuss and when it was a good time for me we ended up having a call. The call went well. I listened to her concerns (all valid and important) and responded responsibly with care. I didn’t try to fix her R with eldest D.
I recognize W has been taking steps to connect with D and she really has been investing much more in her R with youngest kids. Maybe since her “friendships” blew up, she is reconnecting. She started therapy last month. None of this means that she is making any steps towards R with me I get that.
Are any things I am doing bringing me closer to that goal? Maybe, it’s hard to tell. And will I want that with her, eventually if and when she tries? I don’t know, I can’t predict the future. And I don’t know how much longer I can do this. So I have to move forward healthy and detached.
I love her and desire to have a great M with her but we are a million miles apart. And I’m still working through my emotions and I don’t trust her. I need to be trustworthy and be able to trust myself. My personal integrity is vital.
I am trying to be as honest with myself as I can.
As you say, Boat:
Integrity - I put my children first Boundaries - I will only discuss the children in a positive and productive manner based on mutual respect for one another as parents. Well being - Positive interaction for the parents which will benefit the children in the long run.
R2C, I asked if she would like to have a follow up phone call to talk about our kids. She has actually emailed me a couple times this week and I responded briefly, clearly and politely.
