My Story (2)

[Sunflyer]

Good Morning Sun

Happy Birthday. (((Bro-Hug)))

My 50th birthday was two months after BD. It was pretty dismal. It’s difficult to feel celebratory when one is hurt and depressed.

Each birthday did get better and better. My 55th was awesome! And this year I will be 56. My son’s birthday is two weeks after mine, and we usually have some combined party. This year, that is getting combined with a relative’s (grandma like) 100th birthday. Gosh, the stuff she’s seen and lived through.

Thanks D. Yes, I'm looking forward to better birthdays ahead.

Guessing is akin to expecting. Can you see, can you feel the resentment rising within you? Unmet expectations and guesswork. Dial it all to zero. Focus on you and kids, not W and OM.

How did you respond to her text?

I told her I didn't think I had plans. Doesn't mean that I can't come up with some, of course.

W filed for divorce back in June. Her lawyer sent you a letter. Demanded a response within five days. Which prompted you needing to obtain a retainer with your lawyer. No need to get dragged into another subject-less/unknown talk with her.

I have submitted the financial data that I gathered to my L. Don't know what the status is as far as her doing the same. So it seems the burden is on her L to get me a proposal. Not much more to do than that.

Deal with what’s in front of you.

And what’s in front of you? You are. Your boys. Your life. Your future.

I have felt much better about myself recently. Not worried about W at all. Then, when OM was confirmed, the emotional rollercoaster took a steep plunge. The first one in a few months. It's been one of the roughest weeks of my life. I feel like the proverbial leaf in a hurricane.

Last night, I did a bit of future planning. Where I want to see my life once I am past all this, what I want to do, what kind of relationship I might want to have (if there is another one). Thinking about these things absolutely helped.

I feel like I am at a crossroads of sorts. DB has two benefits: saving your marriage or saving yourself (or both). I feel like I may need to abandon ship on the first possibility and concentrate on the second. The infidelity isn't even the biggest obstacle, if it's possible to step back and look at it abstractly. The larger issue is her family and the toxicity that exists there. Even if we were to get back together, the family unit we had cannot exist the way it did before.

I am asking myself, do I really want this? Am I not worth more than this?