My 50th birthday was two months after BD. It was pretty dismal. It’s difficult to feel celebratory when one is hurt and depressed.
Each birthday did get better and better. My 55th was awesome! And this year I will be 56. My son’s birthday is two weeks after mine, and we usually have some combined party. This year, that is getting combined with a relative’s (grandma like) 100th birthday. Gosh, the stuff she’s seen and lived through.
Originally Posted by Sunflyer
She texts me this morning and wants to "talk" this weekend. My guess is that she is going to fess up. I'd be shocked if she doesn't think I know. Cutting off the phone tracking is basically announcing it. She also says that she will have "plans" for the weekend of 10/28-10/29. Her next round of surgery is 10/31. Pretty easy to figure out what she will be doing that weekend since the surgery will put her out of commission for a while.
Guessing is akin to expecting. Can you see, can you feel the resentment rising within you? Unmet expectations and guesswork. Dial it all to zero. Focus on you and kids, not W and OM.
How did you respond to her text?
Originally Posted by Sunflyer
So...how to respond. I can speak firmly but calmly and not show anger. If she confesses, I know how I'd like to respond. Not with anger or profanity but with disappointment. Probably no matter what I do, I won't be acting consistently with DB. Mainly I'd like to acquit myself well. I'm doing this for myself and the better man I am becoming.
So why don’t you? Why aren’t you?
Acquit yourself, conduct yourself, do for yourself, and be that better man. Become.
How to respond? Let go. Give W to God.
This is just another episode of her scheduling a “talk”. I’d switch it up.
Something like: W, I’m busy then. Just email me what you are wanting to tell me.
W filed for divorce back in June. Her lawyer sent you a letter. Demanded a response within five days. Which prompted you needing to obtain a retainer with your lawyer. No need to get dragged into another subject-less/unknown talk with her.
Switch it up. Be busy.
You may be correct that she is planning on fessing up. Or she is planning something completely different. Realize, she could have easily broached the topic in her message, or fessed up, or whatever. Of course being vague is a tacit to keep you on edge, and here you are going down the rabbit hole of what ifs and guesswork. She’s wasting your valuable energies and time. Leave her to her vague game, you’ve got better things to do. Deal with what’s in front of you.
And what’s in front of you? You are. Your boys. Your life. Your future.
Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I do know one thing: regardless of outcome, I will have to forgive her, because otherwise I am holding anger and frustration that I do not need for the rest of my life, and which will only harm me.
Conduct yourself. Don’t play her game. Let go.
Walk your path. Walk in the light.
Regardless if she confesses about OM or not. Regardless of any of her actions, forgiveness is found within you, and is not something she has to earn. In fact, you forgiving W has nothing to do with her. Forgiveness is about you, and for you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
