Much appreciated on the insight and advice. It's tough for sure. Just trying to take it one day at a time. I actually was doing good today and in a great mood. Took a little ride and trying to focus on myself. Came home and the W was here already. She was a little thrown off cause I was in a good mood. She asked how my day was. Told her good. She said what was good. Told her that I woke up and put my feet on the floor. She asked why I was so happy. Told her just thankful to be alive and know that I will be alright. So she moved along and started packing more. I went and did my thing. Finally we got to packing the kitchen together. Been annoying because she has gotten some stuff and her excuse is that I make double what she makes so I will be fine. Even though she is walking away with tens of thousands of dollars from this blow up. Not saying I'm not either. So anyways I kind of negotiate with her and have been overall happy with getting stuff I wanted. Push back when need to. Well she was being super nice during all of this. I assume because I was faking the crap out of trying to hold it together. She was leaving to go take more boxes to her office. So like a fool. I asked if she wanted to grab some dinner when she was done!!! Dang it. Was doing good. She said not thank u. So I asked how come she got cold after the 1st week of telling me BD. She said cause I twisted things. She said I was supposed to sign papers and then asked for more time and that made her mad. So she isn't interested in being on that level anymore now. So how are you going to flip like that and show your true colors. So she went in her way and I went and got in my car as well to leave to grab something myself. She asked before all of that where I was going when I grabbed my keys. Told her about dinner and that started it collapsing. So Yea I can see how the DB works if applied. Hard to stick to it. I find myself doing good when she isn't around. At least telling myself that. And then when she is around it just rushes all back and the emotions get to me at times. One of my goals is working on that. I don't rage or raise my voice or any of that BS. But just when things are happening like this it's just hard to accept and understand. Work in progress for sure. Another day tomorrow and I turn in my 2 weeks notice to my current employer and it's gonna hit the fan. It's just like a hurricane right now with everything moving the way it is. But I am accepting she is going to have to go her way and figure things out on her own and whatever that looks like for her. I have to move along and figure myself out and whatever that looks like as well. I hear from others that have been through it and read enough here to make my eye balls pop. Just looking for answers, understanding, advice and inspiration all at the same time. Much love!
