Thank you so much for this. I am trying for patients as much as I can. I have had a few slip up and let me anger get the best of me but have been much better. we are both 39 and our littles are 6yo boy and 7yo girl. I kicked him out the day I found out about the affair. He said he wanted to go ahead and divorce the day before because he was tired of my crap but couldn't tell me what that was other than the house wasn't clean enough for him. and of course when I asked if there was someone else he said i was crazy. this all happened the day before our 7 year anniversary. I do believe there is still some contact with the ow over phone and they work together so there is that. he only spent 75 hours with her from the day they met at work till the day he said he couldn't let her go. He is being kinder and is trying to help more around the house finally, also taking the dogs that he "hated" so much for rides. I am trying to look at progress in months instead of days because day to day there is set backs some times. But I know he carries a lot of shame. he moved mack with his mom and she plastered videos of them at Christmas on social media so all he people he looked up to seen it. she has traumatized all 4 of her kids but he is the only one that wont admit it (yet anyways) I am trying to be as kind and patient as I can and pray he gets there. I have finally realized there is nothing I can do about it. but I do see things going backwards from the peak of things back to how they started, so I am holding out hope but no expectations. also we have always had separate money so his should not effect mine at all as of right now, the divorce is basically just in limbo at the moment. i filed before I started to learn about all of this stuff. But he never really moved out, he took his work clothes and a few things but would never come and get the rest of his stuff. He has shown some remorse and crying when we would talk but not a lot. Thank you for your reply and will go through all of those links.

Last edited by DnJ; 10/21/23 01:21 PM. Reason: Corrected typo.