Recall a DB mantra: Believe nothing they say, and only half of what they do. W will tell you anything to get her plan sped along.
The business side: Stop agreeing to her proposals in the here and now. Just listen and take her proposal to your lawyer for review and guidance. Better (for you) would be to turn all that back and forth over to your lawyer.
Yea agreed here 100%. she is full steam ahead. on the moving out and the D. She has offered to pay for the D as well. She has said if I dont file then she will. Downside is if I drag it out then she can change her mind on the alimony and how much we agreed to according to my lawyer. She kind of holds the cards there as Im not trying to pay more in alimony if I dont have to. If she doesnt want to be with me then I have to secure my future and that means financially as well. Will make it harder to start a new life if I am paying her more on alimony. She has agreed to a lump sum from the house proceed right now.
Originally Posted by DnJ
You cannot hold her to go to counselling. Besides she will twist/use the counselling, like anything/everything else, as justification for her leaving and why things aren’t working out. Some purposefully failed counselling is pretty easy to roll into “well I tried, I guess it’s just not meant to be”.
.
Yea I have thought about that angle as well. Like I told Boat though I feel like there is more to this story though.
Originally Posted by DnJ
You sign the paper if and when you want to. Or should. Is W proposing some awesome deal for you? Or did she just talk you out of your part of the commission?
Yea the commission thing bothered me in the sense that she offered and then said I asked. I know she was wrong and then she flipped and said she only said that because she was done, tired and wanted to get it over with. Agreed to keep the alimony the same if she kept the commission. It was a matter of 2k vs about 15k. So yea jumped on that.
Originally Posted by DnJ
This from her, a gal who is bailing on her vows. She’s misleading you, in this and in her departure.
Yea crazy man honestly. I feel like she has more in the story so to speak. I probably shouldnt even push to find out what it is at this point. but it doesnt sit with me knowing and having that feeling.
Originally Posted by DnJ
She isn’t trying to be… but….
She knows that would hurt me… but…
Often the stuff after “but” is used to try to justify the stuff that proceeds it. This dialog assuages her guilt.
Only folks in an illicit relationship speak that way. If she was not engaged in an other relationship or flirting with one, she’d not speak like this, she’d not think like this.
Yea that def threw me off. She said she will probably end up in another R because thats the person she tends to be. If she is in one then just come out with it. Funny enough she asked that when this all dropped. She asked if I would have been easier with her telling me that she cheated on me or that she doesnt want to be with me. I told her cheating because I have had that happen and know that feeling and I would not go through that again. SHe was on the other end of that question with her response. She tells me there is no other guy, when I have asked her straight point blank. I feel like there isnt honestly. Maybe there is and im just being naïve at this point. she doesnt give off those vibes though, considering we still have done the deed since this has gone down. Im not sure if I will even know or if anyone will know at this point. She is pretty low key with not telling people her life.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Do you see who is actual gaslighting who here? She’s keeping you off kilter. You did look gaslighting up. Psychological manipulation through a variety of means. It will have one questioning their reality.
yea agree here. She used my vulnerability that I care for her still. I am in no way a gaslighting person and told her that. I may have some narcissist tendencies on the surface level here but def not gaslighting.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Focus on you. Embrace actives. Make changes. All for you! Any changes you decide to make must be for you, not some attempt to win her back.
working on this for sure here. one day at a time. Just need to learn where to focus. Everyone says focus on yourself. What does that even look like though?
