The fastest way to get her back, is to let her go. Trust me. It's the best chance you have. It worked for me (although that relationship ended a few years later).
Yea I have been trying to. She seems to be able to cope with it easier than I can right now. She def does more GAL than I do. She has more friends to go hang with. I do as well. Just need to reach out. When she is here though she is only focused on getting the house ready to sell and packing up her things.
Originally Posted by Thornton
Counseling with her? Nope! Don't do it. She will use that as an opportunity to say "I tried, and not even counseling could fix our problem" She will do that to relieve herself from any guilt and tell friends and family she did everything to save the marriage.
I understand where you are coming from. She said thats the only way she would go. It was her bargaining chip so to speak to get me to sign papers. I feel like she is holding onto more stuff here and not giving me all the details. Just doesnt seem right and my senses are telling me that there is more to it being just that she has held onto feelings for years and a switch flipped and she doesnt want to be with me because she doesnt want to sweep things under the rug as she has said. I told her it doesnt have to be that way. We just need to learn to communicate. She isnt interested. Said that she doesnt want to. I asked her why and she said she doesnt want to. so I left it alone. I feel like there is more going on. I dunno if I feel like I need to know the things I dont know for my own sanity or closure or what?
Originally Posted by Thornton
Basically, you want to get to the point that she starts to fear losing YOU. You do this by starting to act like you're fine with her leaving. You don't act like a jerk, you just start to act like you have had an awakening and you now realize life is going to be great with our without her. You start to give off a vibe, that you know you're the man. That you know you're attractive. You start to glow.
I know all of this is so hard to do when the pain is literally eating you alive, but you must fake it until you make it.
Oddly enough she has told me that I have gotten more attractive as I've gotten older. haha. This was pre BD. BUt yea I agree that I need to get her to that point. its hard to act like it doesnt bother me. I feel okay with it until she is around then it just brings all sorts of feelings up. Baby step though last night I didnt want for her to come home from taking her boxes to her office. Just went to bed. I need to progress more and like you said get her to realize what she may or may not miss. Part of me is getting there though as I focus on my future and what that looks like. Nervous but excited at the same time. Just hard to concept that the woman I built this life with just walks away without even trying everything to make it work.
Originally Posted by Thornton
How do you deal with the pain? You start by GAL. For me it was the gym, and I started mountain biking. I still do both to this day and it's been years since my sitch. Take dance lessons. Go skydiving. Cooking lessons. Pick up a sport. Go back to school.
Yea I need to do more of this for sure. I feel like we are financially holding money right now to pay bills and contractors. She goes out more with her friends just hanging out with them. Not even spending money. I have made my list of hobbies and it includes mountain biking like you have and gym membership (even though we built a gym at home), cooking classes and all sorts of other things. Plus getting ready to start a new job that will keep me busy for awhile. Its fully remote though so def need to find time for outside the House GAL stuff. Just need to reach out to friends and go hang with them. Been more sulking than anything at times and working around the house trying to get things done to sell it and get it listed. Its been painful doing it because everything here comes with a memory. but progress each day. Downside is I have to go through things with her. Makes it even harder to get away from her then.
Originally Posted by Thornton
At first you will do these things in hopes of getting her back. But eventually, your confidence will grow and you'll start doing them because you love them. Once you get to the point where you are no longer looking over your shoulder to see if she's noticing your changes, is when she might come back.
Def some areas I need to improve on is confidence, self esteem and growing stronger emotionally and becoming more of a leader in a man. Im a good man in the sense of providing for our family but need to venture out of the box more and become what I know I can become. I struggle with where to even start on this and goals both with regards to myself and R.
