Boat and Thornton are spot on. Read their wise words several times.
Recall a DB mantra: Believe nothing they say, and only half of what they do. W will tell you anything to get her plan sped along.
Originally Posted by dleague
So not sure what to do at this point. She is pushing the D and lawyers. I'm going to hold her to going to counseling though. She said if I sign papers then she would do counseling.
You cannot hold her to go to counselling. Besides she will twist/use the counselling, like anything/everything else, as justification for her leaving and why things aren’t working out. Some purposefully failed counselling is pretty easy to roll into “well I tried, I guess it’s just not meant to be”.
You sign the paper if and when you want to. Or should. Is W proposing some awesome deal for you? Or did she just talk you out of your part of the commission?
Originally Posted by dleague
She wasn't happy that I was getting some of the commission and said I shouldn't be. I told her that she suggested I get some of it when we talked and she said she only did that so it would be over on that debate.
Her actions do not align with her words. She said whatever she needed to, she lied!, to get you to stop the discussion. And she is doing that still with your talks about the future.
Originally Posted by dleague
she said I have narcissist tendencies and gaslighting.
This from her, a gal who is bailing on her vows. She’s misleading you, in this and in her departure.
Originally Posted by dleague
She asked how would I be able to handle it if she was dating another person. I told her that it would hurt right now but I could probably be okay with it eventually. She knows that would hurt me she said she isn't trying to be in any other relationships but she is the type of person who does enjoy being with someone and in a relationship.
She isn’t trying to be… but….
She knows that would hurt me… but…
Often the stuff after “but” is used to try to justify the stuff that proceeds it. This dialog assuages her guilt.
Only folks in an illicit relationship speak that way. If she was not engaged in an other relationship or flirting with one, she’d not speak like this, she’d not think like this.
Originally Posted by dleague
asked me if I could rub her neck since it was tight and it helps. Told her of course.
Do you see who is actual gaslighting who here? She’s keeping you off kilter. You did look gaslighting up. Psychological manipulation through a variety of means. It will have one questioning their reality.
Focus on you. Embrace actives. Make changes. All for you! Any changes you decide to make must be for you, not some attempt to win her back.
The business side: Stop agreeing to her proposals in the here and now. Just listen and take her proposal to your lawyer for review and guidance. Better (for you) would be to turn all that back and forth over to your lawyer.
Get back up, dust off, and keep moving forward on the path. Give time and space. Detach. Let go.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
