I haven't had time to read your entire story but I read your last post.
These things are very predictable after you've been here for a while.
The fastest way to get her back, is to let her go. Trust me. It's the best chance you have. It worked for me (although that relationship ended a few years later).
Counseling with her? Nope! Don't do it. She will use that as an opportunity to say "I tried, and not even counseling could fix our problem" She will do that to relieve herself from any guilt and tell friends and family she did everything to save the marriage.
You have to exhibit strength, no more crying, moping etc. Save that for your friends, family, and the DB board.
Basically, you want to get to the point that she starts to fear losing YOU. You do this by starting to act like you're fine with her leaving. You don't act like a jerk, you just start to act like you have had an awakening and you now realize life is going to be great with our without her. You start to give off a vibe, that you know you're the man. That you know you're attractive. You start to glow.
I know all of this is so hard to do when the pain is literally eating you alive, but you must fake it until you make it.
How do you deal with the pain? You start by GAL. For me it was the gym, and I started mountain biking. I still do both to this day and it's been years since my sitch. Take dance lessons. Go skydiving. Cooking lessons. Pick up a sport. Go back to school.
At first you will do these things in hopes of getting her back. But eventually, your confidence will grow and you'll start doing them because you love them. Once you get to the point where you are no longer looking over your shoulder to see if she's noticing your changes, is when she might come back.
