Not even sure where to start

[Boat14]

DL you really should print off Sandis rules and start implementing them immediately to prevent yourself from digging a deeper hole you can never climb out of in the future. Be prepared for 2x4s that will hurt now but will help you in the long run.

She asked how would I be able to handle it if she was dating another person. I told her that it would hurt right now but I could probably be okay with it eventually. She knows that would hurt me she said she isn't trying to be in any other relationships but she is the type of person who does enjoy being with someone and in a relationship. This hurt.

When this is over trust me you will not want to be friends with her.

Can't remember how the conversation went right before she left but she said I have narcissist tendencies and gaslighting. She has said this before. So I didn't understand what she meant so looked it up when she was gone. I balled my eyes out. After reading some of it I realized that I did in fact have some of that.

Yes this is a very common theme. Being a man you probably do have some narcasisstic traits bu that doesn't make you a narcissist.

Not extreme but can see and understand what she meant. She came home a little later and asked what's wrong and just told her I was unaware of these things I was doing and understood things some more. She moved in to give me a hug, first time that's happened in a bit (still only 2 weeks post BD though at this point). She rubbed my head and back while hugging. I balled. I couldn't hold it in. Just hurt.

You really need to try hard not to cry in front of her. Try to let that out when you are alone.

Well I had to leave for my night IC. Good discussions with him. Told him what happened. He said he isn't sure narcissist applies much and feels like it gets over used more than not.

Your IC is correct.

Well she said maybe. I was thinking whoa!!! I left it alone after that. Helped her finish going through stuff. She took her stuff and left to take it to her office. Where she has been storing her stuff for now. I asked her if she needed help since I knew she still was pushing through the things she was dealing with and was wore out. She said thank you but no thank you. So I let her go. I was hungry and offered to meet up on her way back to grab something since I knew she wasnt eating much as well. She said thank you but no thank you. I went on to bed

She doesn't mean it. She is just saying it to get her way and you to agree with everything she wants and to do it when she wants.

So I'm sure I broke about almost every rule in some sense.

Just about. DB is hard, especially in the beginning.

But felt like conversation was good over all.

These conversations are NEVER good. What makes you think they are good? She is still full steam ahead on the D train.

I have good days and bad days. Just hard to see her leaving and pulling away. Felt like the 1st week she was still close and as the time has gone on she is pulling away more. Conversations feel good starting out but seem to deteriorate as they go on even in the same convos.

You will have good days and bad days for a really long time. It will get easier.

Not sure on everything. I know she will be moving out before I do. So trying to take advantage of that time while she is her. It hurts to see her struggle and in the same time power through things. I've always been the person there to help her. And she won't let me know.

That's why you need to give her space.

One IC told me he thinks she is pulling away and pushing things because she feels like she may go back on her decision if she doesn't push things.

Right now she is 100% convinced she is doing the right thing.

Talked with 2 mutual friends yesterday and they both don't understand this all either and thought we were a good couple and ones to look up to. Seems to be the norm I've heard.

Yep everyone on this baord has heard the same thing from friends.

I'm trying to move on myself and focus on that but it's been hard with everything going on with selling the house and having her here and trying to go through things.

The more you distance yourself from her the easier it will be to move on.

So many memories and years of a life we built together. She said it hurts her to do this.

Apparently not enough to make her stay.

So not sure what to do at this point. She is pushing the D and lawyers.

Give her time and space.

I'm going to hold her to going to counseling though. She said if I sign papers then she would do counseling.

Well first off you can't hold her to anything. Second off counseling would only make matters worse.

I feel like there is more going on that she isn't opening up and hoping maybe going to counseling would help at least air things out some and bring some understanding.

Yeah my spidey sense says there is another guy who will be at that Halloween party.

Maybe it's me not wanting to understand. Maybe shes got other reasons for this. Just taking it one day at a time right now. Bout all I can do. It hurts. Good days and bad days and some times both in the same day......

She wants to be with a man who makes her feel alive. You are not that man right now. You can be if you so choose but it will take a lot of work. Are you up for that challenge?