Talked with a close friend whose W has similar issues with social anxiety. He recommended against proactively sharing a property division workbook because he didn't see a clear way it would help me. Talking with two attorneys today to make sure that, while I'm DBing, I'm also getting some balanced perspective to protect myself and my daughter if things continue towards D. So many thoughts running through my head: why is W so unwilling to work things out? I hear her saying she's "not cut out for relationships" and see how much she works to avoid conversations about sensitive topics or conflict. My brain says to keep DBing. My heart just wants to say "Let's fix this!" but I know it would lead me down a currently cheeseless tunnel. I hate these ups and downs.
It sounds like you still have a grip on the rope. Drop that rope. And I know it's not easy to do. This is my second time around on DB. Rope drop took me months and months the first time. This time almost immediately. It's ok that you haven't done it yet. I still am tempted sometimes. A good tip I got this time for a couple of different people (here and IC) is to make note of when negative thoughts come up (in this case, "I want to work on things!" I would consider a negative thought as it holds you back and doesn't help your situation). Did any events or interactions lead to the thoughts? Can those be avoided somehow in the future? What did you do to work your way out of those negative thoughts and emotions? Workouts, breathing exercise, meet up with friends, whatever it is. I have literally written things down when it's happened.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
