Rock I don't necessarily agree with the board with complete no contact. If your children really have special needs than you need to be able to have adult conversations on the phone regarding what is best for them. Strictly business than get off the phone.
As for everything else Kind said above is spot on. You are so crippled by fear and co-dependent on your STBXW you over analyze every interaction which is exhausting and unsustainable.
Your STBXW is a predator. She prey's on her ability to manipulate you because you have no boundaries. Until you establish rock solid boundaries nothing will change.
