Rock I don't necessarily agree with the board with complete no contact. If your children really have special needs than you need to be able to have adult conversations on the phone regarding what is best for them. Strictly business than get off the phone.
As for everything else Kind said above is spot on. You are so crippled by fear and co-dependent on your STBXW you over analyze every interaction which is exhausting and unsustainable.
Your STBXW is a predator. She prey's on her ability to manipulate you because you have no boundaries. Until you establish rock solid boundaries nothing will change.
Will meet with L again. I have been approved to receive a limited amount of funded legal support given my gradual return to work having been without income and also due to son’s care needs (for whom I am primary caregiver.
I plan to use the legal support efficiently and wisely to support fair treatment of my needs and son’s care. I will impress upon my L what is most important to me and seek to understand what is fair given the law. I will want to seek creative solutions. For example, I do not want to sell the house at this time though I understand that may become necessary or preferable at a later date or I may be in position down the road to buy W out.
Therefore I’m grateful to have this support to fully review my situation from a legal standpoint, and have assistance in responding to W’s volleys. In all of this I am not seeking to drive a D or move us closer in that direction but I need to be informed, prepared and represented. I will consider going a mediation route as well. I do not want to go to court and I must stand up to W and the track we have been on for me.
I need to not live another year like this last one.
Yes there are things that I have learned and I have grown and overcome this last year. I have done some things well. I have taken good care of myself, my home and my family. I have strengthened my most important friendships and I have formed good new ones. I have committed to personal growth and engaged regularly with sports and new activities.
My health is much better. I am returning to work in stable condition.
In this next year, in contrast to this last one, as many of you (especially Kind, Joseph, Boat) are helping me to recognize, I am determined to move forward in healthier ways for my self respect when it comes to how I carry myself, hold my ground and move forward. I have to continue moving forward as a single man building the kind of life I want to live.
Sent the email you suggested, R2C. W didn’t like it. She sent a brief confusing email back and I replied with a brief clear one. She replied, “ I can’t communicate with you this way.”
Women will test you. It is your job to pass the test.
How did she test you? Did you pass?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Rock I don't necessarily agree with the board with complete no contact.
No contact is not your goal. Limiting your interactions is. Communication is important, but is does not ,should not, be in person. Email gives you time to process and respond...as well as gives you a document trail you can refer to in the future.
She is a master manipulator and you fall into her spell.
This is how you should respond:
W:"I can't communicate with you this way" H:"That must be hard for you."
or
W:"I can't communicate with you this way" H:"I understand you feel that way."
etc.
If you want to be edgy and stir some emotions:
W:"I can't communicate with you this way" H:"I have noticed."
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
She tested me by trying to push me to tell her that all of a sudden now I have decided that we are at the no longer communicating stage so that she could put it on me and then she would be able to say she tried and now she has to stop trying. She was baiting me instead of being clear about what she needed to tell me (important things about our kids).
Did I pass? I thought so but after reading some of the feedback here, I’m not sure.
Evidence that supports a passing grade:
I didn’t panic and ruin my day for something that was unclear from her. I emailed and eventually I agreed to a phone conversation at a time that worked for me and I believe it went well. I stayed true to my values during the conversation following through on communication skills that I have been working on. And it was because I am consistent that I will be a good father and grampa. She has emailed me since the weekend. I emailed back following DnJs points.
Evidence that I will need to retake the test:
I gave in to the phone call so she got what she threw a hissy fit for.
Rock I don't necessarily agree with the board with complete no contact.
No contact is not your goal. Limiting your interactions is. Communication is important, but is does not ,should not, be in person. Email gives you time to process and respond...as well as gives you a document trail you can refer to in the future.
She is a master manipulator and you fall into her spell.
This is how you should respond:
W:"I can't communicate with you this way" H:"That must be hard for you."
or
W:"I can't communicate with you this way" H:"I understand you feel that way."
etc.
If you want to be edgy and stir some emotions:
W:"I can't communicate with you this way" H:"I have noticed."
See this to me is a waste of time and just pisses her off more.
W: "I can't communicate with you this way" R: How do you suggest we communicate? W: I want you to respond to my texts R: We have nothing to discuss other than the kids. I suggest we have a phone call once a week when I have time to discuss the kids.
Clear, direct and to the point.
These games of not responding for 48 hours don't work. You just fuel the fire for D. You know what does work? When you honestly could care less whether she texts you or not because you are too busy loving life. You have a really long road for you to get there Rock.
“ You know what does work? When you honestly could care less whether she texts you or not because you are too busy loving life. You have a really long road for you to get there Rock.”
